I walk to E's school in the afternoons on my own as the Littlest is at nursery. And so there I go walking, with my headphones on and my music blaring. And At This Point In My Life by Tracy Chapman keeps playing while I'm in shuffle mode. It's as if my iPod knows exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. Because At This Point In My Life is a beautiful, beautiful song. But it also feels incredibly personal to me right now.
And that feeling starts right from the beginning of the song. Lyrics are in italics. My thoughts are interspersed amongst them.
Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I've
Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
I can definitely relate to that. Done so many things wrong, I don't know if I can do right. The first time I heard that recently, I nearly cried. Because that sort of doubt has always been inside my head.
You see it's been a hard road the road I'm traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin
I've had a hard life I'm just saying it so you'll understand
That right now, right now, I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life
Right now, right now, I'm doing the best I can. Yes, yes, yes!
At this point in my life
Although I've mostly walked in the shadows
I'm still searching for the light
Won't you put your faith in me
We both know that's what matters
If you give me a chance I'll try
You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down
I've been reaching high always losing ground
You see I've been reaching high but always losing ground
You see I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb
And right now right now I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life
I sometimes feel as though Tracy Chapman is plucking thoughts and feelings directly out of my head. I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb. Isn't that the truth?
Before we take a step
Before we walk down that path
Before I make any promises
Before you have regrets
Before we talk commitment
Let me tell you of my past
All I've seen and all I've done
The things I'd like to forget
At this point in my life
This song is feeling, at this point, very much about a relationship. Be very clear - I don't have any doubts in my own relationship. But that isn't to say that this song doesn't speak to me in a very important way. About my own development as a person, with my own doubts about my abilities and my thoughts and my experiences.
At this point in my life
I'd like to live as if only love mattered
As if redemption was in sight
As if the search to live honestly
Is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it
You see when I've touched the sky
The earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then I'll reach inside and find and give you
All the sweetness that I have
At this point in my life
At this point in my life
I love that it ends hopefully. I love that she's saying she's been through hard times, and that she's trying. With a little love and support and belief, things might just be okay.
Lovely post, Clover. That song is beautiful - I can definitely relate to parts of it too.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sam :)
DeleteOh, that is beautiful. I'd never even heard that song before - thank you so much for sharing it. It really spoke to me, too. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI've been such a huge fan of Tracy Chapman's since high school! I think she writes and sings beautifully..
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