tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-215827092024-03-16T01:10:02.695+00:00Fluttering ButterfliesMichelle Fluttering Butterflieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08793681725475475156noreply@blogger.comBlogger2695125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-50695311189028933942024-02-27T21:02:00.000+00:002024-02-27T21:02:15.442+00:00What I've Been Watching Lately<p>Quite often I just don't feel like reading. I don't class them as reading slumps anymore, just passing moods. I'm in one of those passing moods right now (though I am still reading, just at a much slower pace than I'd normally read) so I thought I'd share what I've been watching lately. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WlopfWYGBh4" width="320" youtube-src-id="WlopfWYGBh4"></iframe></div><br /><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">One Day </span></b></p><p>I absolutely loved this TV series on Netflix. I have read the book by David Nicholls many years ago and I've seen the film adaptation with Anne Hathaway but I much preferred this TV adaptation. I really believed in Leo Woodall and Ambika Mod as Dexter and Emma. And selfishly, as a woman of colour I loved Ambika Mod's casting and being able to see her being told how beautiful she is on screen so many times (she is!). I knew what the story was going into it, I knew that Dexter's character was a knobhead for most of it and that he would piss me off (which he did). I'm glad they skipped past all the 'ugh, I wanted to be an important writer, and all I managed was some children's books' from Emma's storyline which was a big gripe for me previously. And that final bit? Where she tells him that she doesn't want to be a footnote in his life? It slayed me. Maybe let's get going with more stories where the woman doesn't have to die to teach a man some life lessons though, yeah? </p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WJTnve_kdu0" width="320" youtube-src-id="WJTnve_kdu0"></iframe></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /><b><br /></b></span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Past Lives</b></span></p><p>I'm including this on my list but I haven't technically finished it yet. I remember taking a screenshot of the cinema listings when I was browsing the app one day thinking 'I'd like to see this' but when I finally did get round to actually booking a ticket, all the showings were at 10pm. Yeah, I'm in bed by that time, there's no possible way. Then! I had a leaflet through my door for a local Film Society who were showing this in April. I thought oh man, how great would that be. Especially as I hoped that E would come with me. But of course, when I looked at the website for the film society, Past Lives had been mysteriously dropped. But no worries! It ended up being on Netflix where I'm watching it at the moment. I have about 45 minutes left but I find both main characters, Greta Lee and Teo You, to be utterly charming and I am definitely invested in their relationship. Plus some of the direction is just impossibly beautiful. The two of them as children walking away from each other? Will live in my head for awhile.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/MTekxyR_nN4" width="320" youtube-src-id="MTekxyR_nN4"></iframe></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Death Comes to Pemberley</b></span></p><p>Not going to lie, folks. I had no idea about Death Comes to Pemberley before last week or so. Whenever it ended up on Netflix (I refuse to say the word 'drops') I saw the trailer and I just immediately though, god I have to watch this. A crime-y sequel to Pride and Prejudice? I'm in. Plus, Matthew Rhys and Anna Maxwell Martin? Honestly, it was lightning quick reaction. And I loved Death Comes to Pemberley. I loved this glimpse into the possibilities of Elizabeth and Darcy after Pride and Prejudice. With more dramatics from Lydia and Wickham, especially when I think ... am I feeling sympathetic to two of the most hideous literary characters ever? I think I am. And it was just so much fun. It was only 3 episodes and probably wasn't as sweeping as some period dramas, but I definitely loved it. </p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></p><p><b></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1M0oeaIQNg4" width="320" youtube-src-id="1M0oeaIQNg4"></iframe></b></div><b><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b><p></p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">Fleabag</span></b></p><p>I had heard A LOT about Fleabag when it first aired. A LOT. I know I'm late to the party on this one but I don't normally have access to Amazon Prime Video. E has a free student trial and I am using however many months he has it to binge everything and anything I might not normally be able to see. And I started with this. Mostly because I saw a little clip on Instagram. I engaged with an Andrew Scott clip of him promoting his new film with Paul Mescall, All Of Us Strangers, which looks SO GOOD and I loved him as Moriarty in Sherlock. But I saw a clip of Fleabag telling him 'I love you' and him responding 'It'll pass' and I was like HOLY SHIT, I need to see the build up to that scene. And it definitely lived up to all my expectations. I loved Fleabag and Boo. I loved Olivia Colman in it, she is fucking so excellent at being a character I loved to hate. But aside from Hot Priest, it was definitely Fleabag and Claire that I wanted to see more and more of. So whilst I went into watching this dying to see that one scene I can think of plenty other ones that were just as powerful. </p><p><br /></p><p>What have you been watching lately, I'd love to know. Also, give me recommendations. I'm thinking maybe This Is Us or Veronica Mars? I don't know. I need your help.</p>Michelle Fluttering Butterflieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08793681725475475156noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-71950108362951325622023-06-04T15:17:00.002+01:002023-06-04T15:17:26.941+01:00On reading again<p> For a long time I was a very Serious Book Blogger. I took reading and book blogging incredibly seriously. I had a blogging notebook with lists and calendars and ideas of different features and author interview questions. I'd obsess over keeping up to date with recent releases and being On It with how often I posted and what I posted. I've had Fluttering Butterflies since 4 months after my Eldest was born and he'll be 18 this year. So that was a lot of time to have a very time-consuming hobby and a lot of times, especially towards the end of regular posting it was Not Very Fun. </p><p>But of course I didn't post regularly for 18 years. My dad died 6 years ago and the loss of him threw my entire world off-kilter. Even before then, when he was diagnosed with dementia and was put into a specialist dementia hospital, things were Not Great and I didn't handle it very well. So I put a little pause on reading and on book blogging and my social media presence. I've since gotten back into reading and I think I'm on the fence about writing on this blog again. You can see from the 'recent' blog posts on here that I've been on that fence for a couple of years now. I can never decide whether I want to pack it all in or not. So I keep trying. And every year or so, I write one of these posts. I don't think anyone is reading anymore and that's okay. I just like writing. </p><p>And I am reading again. It's the beginning of June and I've read 36 books. And for me, especially how reading has gone in the past 5-6 years, that's pretty amazing. I'm in a weird reading phase though - I can't seem to read e-books, or library books, I can't listen to audio books. I can only read physical copies of books and my preference is for secondhand books that I've bought from charity shops. I don't know how this happened but I'm still in the middle of this phase and cannot break it until its run its course. </p><p>What I'm reading has also changed. Of the 36 books I've read, 22 have been fiction books aimed at adults. Only 8 have been YA and the rest have been poetry or non-fiction. I like not being restricted by genre or age category. I felt as a YA book blogger that I always constantly needed to read YA and I love that that pressure to do so has fallen away. Same with keeping up with the latest releases. Buying only from charity shops means that I'm always behind. No Hot Takes from me! and that's just the way I like it. </p><p>I'm enjoying it again. I post on my work's internal communication about the books I've read in the previous month and it feels almost like I'm connecting with some about books. I'm still part of two local book groups that are lovely and supportive. It feels like I've come full circle and I'm back to where I was - part of a bookish community, it just looks a bit different these days. I'm glad for it.</p>Michelle Fluttering Butterflieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08793681725475475156noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-78951565345929936492021-11-17T21:44:00.000+00:002021-11-17T21:44:06.822+00:00On being okay with me<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW_evw90YpHxJ3PdSVCKZXMz-fZqWyx_EzUBqy-WXIzydOmOE_T19X3Y1uwBjeY0kKErvW11Qa4krsuJNY7dyG9Cp9SXrtYR3BnIgElA3fM2mCiYiTMBw-DgURiENHxo4EMG05zA/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2411" data-original-width="2316" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW_evw90YpHxJ3PdSVCKZXMz-fZqWyx_EzUBqy-WXIzydOmOE_T19X3Y1uwBjeY0kKErvW11Qa4krsuJNY7dyG9Cp9SXrtYR3BnIgElA3fM2mCiYiTMBw-DgURiENHxo4EMG05zA/" width="231" /></a></div><br />I went for a run tonight. I haven't exercised regularly since the beginning of the year. <div><br /></div><div>Last year I had sort of a bug up my ass about exercising. Life was pretty crazy last year and I feel like I was sort of obsessed with this one idea when the world was going crazy. It felt like I needed something that was in my control and for me, that thing was working out, it was exercising. At the end of 2019, I was at the heaviest I've been and it was putting strain on the joints in my hips, knees and ankles which meant that I couldn't do physical things like take a hike with my boys without being in lots of pain. And that made me unhappy. When the pandemic hit last year I thought why not use this time to really work on what it was about my physical appearance that I wasn't fully satisfied with. </div><div><br /></div><div>And it worked for awhile. Exercise was a comfort to me while everything else fell apart. I lost 50lbs, I was able to run faster and longer than I'd ever run before. I felt great, I had great energy, I looked my very best. I'd had it in my head that I needed to hit a target weight for my height, that I was aiming for a certain size that 'felt right' to me. </div><div><br /></div><div>But then things started slowly going back to a version of pre-pandemic normality. I wasn't so strict with my eating habits, I didn't always get up in the morning in time for a run. I didn't need exercising or running in the way I needed it during lockdown. And then, as well, life stepped in. And I went through large periods of time where mentally and emotionally, I just didn't have it in me to be consistent with workouts. I'd regularly comfort eat. And while I lost 50lbs in 2020, in 2021, I've gained 30 of those pounds back on. And ...I'm okay with that. </div><div><br /></div><div>I feel like 2020 me needed all that exercise and discipline. And what 2021 me needs is self-compassion and kindness. I'm now working on being okay with the body I'm in. It's taken me everywhere up to now and I'm grateful for it. What I've taken from this experience is that I enjoy running and working out generally. But that I don't need to work so hard for some version of me that is a certain size or weight that someone else says is what I need to be. The body I'm in is a story of what I've done, what I've been through. And I'm okay with that story and I'm okay with me. </div>Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-41502323912114099742021-11-15T13:28:00.001+00:002021-11-15T13:28:13.953+00:00Thinking About Careers<p> It's been awhile, so in case you need a recap I have two children. One is 16 this month and the other is 13. The eldest is sitting his GCSE exams and the youngest is choosing his GCSE options this year.</p><p>Both are pretty scary, to be honest. Helping my eldest revise for his exams. Having those conversations about what he might want to do after GCSEs. A Level choices have an impact on what he can study at university, talking about how he views his adult life after education. He's still only 15 and these are the conversations we're having. I get that people change track, that even if he follows one route doesn't mean he's locked into that path forever and ever. But even so. </p><p>Was everyone making those decisions at such a young age? Was everyone else having these thoughts about their entire futures at 15? I sure wasn't. I may have been going through things that other teenagers weren't (possibly more on this at another time) but I definitely never considered having a job. I never even considered what I wanted out of life or pictured myself as an adult. If you asked 15 year old me what she'd look like (or dream about!) 20 years down the line, 15 year old me probably would have shrugged and said 'dunno, I'll get there when I get there, I guess' </p><p>I actually didn't progress in schooling after the age of 16. It wasn't a lack of ability or desire, it was more about the circumstances of it all. I did go to university (eventually) and I have a degree (now) but I feel like I was floating in the wind for so much of my life. It really was only 4ish years ago when I was working as a supervisor at Accessorize where I decided what I didn't want to do: work in retail, work weekends, work shift patterns, be forced into working every Christmas. I've talked about it in a previous post but it really was only then, in my 30s, having only ever worked in retail that I sat down and considered what a 'proper' career might look like for me. And I was lucky. I found that HR might be something I'd enjoy doing, took a qualification in it and was able to get my first HR job off the back of that qualification. And now here I am 4 years into my new career and I couldn't be happier. </p><p>I'm not sure I even knew what HR was when I was my boys' ages. I certainly didn't think of it as a career prospect. I didn't study for it at university, it wasn't touched on in my education prior to that. Would it have occurred to me if I had my support as a teenager? if there were other people in my life looking out for me, helping me to ask the questions? Maybe. </p><p>One of the things that I've considered lately is becoming a mentor to young people - going to them (via systems in place, not just randomly approaching young people!) and speaking to them about the work that HR does. Or at least about my experiences. Whilst I find it a lot of pressure speaking with my 13 year old about his future and what prospects lay ahead of him, at least we're broaching the subject, he's giving things thought. And in having these conversations - with my boys, with any future mentees, who knows? - maybe things won't be so scary. I sure hope so. </p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">Did your job prospects follow a straight line? Did you work in an area you studied in? Have you ever been a mentor? This subject fascinates me, I'd love to hear from you</span></b></p>Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-27245584880014145642021-11-14T20:18:00.002+00:002021-11-14T20:18:20.693+00:00New Directions<p> I haven't written on this blog since 4 January. And if I'm honest, I think for several years now I've considered just shutting the whole thing down. Drawing and line and saying ... that's it. Fluttering Butterflies is over now. But something has stopped me from doing it. </p><p>It's funny how I talk to new people about my 'blogging days' - as though it was a different lifetime, as though I was a different person. And I guess it is sort of true. I've gone through a lot of changes lately including a great deal of personal growth which does make me feel like I'm a different person. And I've given a lot of thought about what I take with me into this new version of myself. </p><p>I've also struggled with this blog. Because I love it but it's been about books for so long that I've forgotten it wasn't about books for a long time too. And I think I've worked endlessly trying to recreate the success of it when it was a book blog ... forgetting that books don't bring me joy in the same way anymore. Not in the same way that my dog brings me joy. Or Netflix. Or my job. Or figuring out this new person I'm becoming. </p><p>I'm not the quickest person but I think I've finally gotten it. I enjoy writing. And I want to keep this blog. I just don't want to write about books anymore. Or at least I don't want to restrict my thoughts to just books (that I'm not really reading lately!) so hopefully you'll stick around anyway? if any of you still read this? I promise cute dog pics if nothing else! </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEidiCqZ7w-MRnR72w9nnssLUuiergfjYAJLD_oCNYLiC7CXCFlQ369EnYsd1dRBOIoWNb9Ioiu5UWWb3FC6jy8B1SUH4wMW_UQurP-ph4GvvXL0C1e-KXgODlye-HfCaLqioXJuO5-4FU5Yyfshuo3C1BfHhBMH-JIQMXa_svMv6M4XEiXaVeQ=s1024" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="768" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEidiCqZ7w-MRnR72w9nnssLUuiergfjYAJLD_oCNYLiC7CXCFlQ369EnYsd1dRBOIoWNb9Ioiu5UWWb3FC6jy8B1SUH4wMW_UQurP-ph4GvvXL0C1e-KXgODlye-HfCaLqioXJuO5-4FU5Yyfshuo3C1BfHhBMH-JIQMXa_svMv6M4XEiXaVeQ=s320" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-46086273350002960102021-01-04T12:59:00.000+00:002021-01-04T12:59:54.000+00:002021 Goals <p> Happy New Year everyone! I hope that 2021 is a better year for us all. Personally I am very happy to see the back of 2020 and I am quietly hopeful that this year will be a fresh new start for me. I've read that a lot of people aren't making goals or resolutions this year or are going down a self-care sort of route. I am ALL for that. </p><p>Having said that though, I'm a planner. I love making goals, I love my lists and keep track of my progress with stuff. So if that's your sort of self-care, then do read on. I was running this morning and as I was running I ended up feeling super motivated to accomplish all my goals this year, it's a nice feeling. Please also enjoy this photo of me in one of my Christmas presents... </p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzTpd1Vuqpt1oMmTaDsQ7bMohlZwjl410RgLpuLZCI7YtgRZRK45iUa_x1W7Dg18u2B1mFUtl5SzaUE2bqI8L8EfFI2oCJpS6hDRPWXwwoRYveSKOuwk_1uxFf-padqDIGzxD78A/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1415" data-original-width="994" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzTpd1Vuqpt1oMmTaDsQ7bMohlZwjl410RgLpuLZCI7YtgRZRK45iUa_x1W7Dg18u2B1mFUtl5SzaUE2bqI8L8EfFI2oCJpS6hDRPWXwwoRYveSKOuwk_1uxFf-padqDIGzxD78A/" width="169" /></a></p><p><b><br /></b></p><p><b>Reading goals</b></p><p>Read 12 non-fiction books</p><p>Read 6 classics</p><p>Read and review all my Netgalley books (currently 0/13 books)</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Health</b></p><p>Lose 20 lbs</p><p>Run a 10k</p><p>Join a local exercise class when safe to do so</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Blogging/Booktubing</b></p><p>Upload regular content to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/bookishbrits" target="_blank">Bookish Brits</a></p><p>Gain more subscribers (currently 724 subscribers)</p><p>Post regular content to this blog </p><p>Get more involved in the book blogging and booktubing communities</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Personal Goals</b></p><p>New job</p><p>Board game nights with the family</p><p>Get a haircut</p><p>Keep up to date with personal development within HR</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Have you set yourself any goals for 2021? </span></b></p>Michelle Fluttering Butterflieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08793681725475475156noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-16412924109476163482020-08-05T17:56:00.001+01:002020-08-05T17:56:50.292+01:00REVIEW: Harrow Lake by Kat Ellis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQmsg9IP-raW_GIJBIetIRJKUkPOvV2vIudfxA0Xxex8BaOWAozaYLze-xM2Rm72D6X4RAgIWd7_179NghisAtsmjzQmAKGYqopln7v29sg1tfu-nCy45KYgAOjNhKcPI0-cJnNA/s1600/harrow+lake+kat+ellis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="475" data-original-width="309" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQmsg9IP-raW_GIJBIetIRJKUkPOvV2vIudfxA0Xxex8BaOWAozaYLze-xM2Rm72D6X4RAgIWd7_179NghisAtsmjzQmAKGYqopln7v29sg1tfu-nCy45KYgAOjNhKcPI0-cJnNA/s320/harrow+lake+kat+ellis.jpg" width="208" /></a></div>
I have to be honest, it was the cover of Harrow Lake by Kat Ellis that had me intrigued. I saw it on Netgalley and horror isn't really my jam but I was too tempted to pass this one by. And you know what? It's become one of my biggest reading surprises of the year.<br />
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Harrow Lake has such a fantastic old-school horror film vibe to it. Small town, old fashioned clothing, the creepiness in everyday items and places. There's such a low-key creep factor to it that really builds throughout. Despite it not being my usual reading material I found it really easy to fall into the story and into these characters.<br />
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Harrow Lake is a pretty unsettling place. A small town that has been cut off from everything, not updated for decades and obsessed with the horror film that was filmed there and that made the town famous. Our main character is Lola, who is the daughter of the film director who chose Harrow Lake as his film's setting and it's where her parents met, on set. <br />
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But her mum has disappeared and when her dad is brutally attacked, Lola is sent to Harrow Lake to stay with her grandmother in this town that has not moved on. I kind of loved how Lola doesn't really know who to trust or what to make of her grandmother and those she meets in Harrow Lake. The jitterbugs in her mum's old room, the puppet in the town's museum, the abandoned sets used for the film all add different layers to how unsettling the book is. I read bits of the Bone Tree out to my family and they were all suitably horrified.<br />
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I think my favourite thing about Harrow Lake, aside from how easily entertaining it is, is that it digs deeper than I was expecting into the buried secrets of their family, into those unanswered questions at the heart of Lola's and Harrow Lake's story. And for that, I found this book utterly fascinating. <br />
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Just, you know, keep an eye out - Mr. Jitters is coming.Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-74574502363892240132020-06-28T10:00:00.000+01:002020-06-28T10:00:02.291+01:00REVIEW: Camp by LC Rosen <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFSFnZYEaXPsum2TDKgkliOvBLduaBfhYr-q6AHCI7Vko6FJpYkJ_yFR31qvPlek5pvmNUMCzzrQStW_dzhmCauAjSlEb389ar4_QXPs6mBn3dKgr2SEVXX3ZcSXbdaJEFZuzQ_w/s1600/camp+lc+rosen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="475" data-original-width="310" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFSFnZYEaXPsum2TDKgkliOvBLduaBfhYr-q6AHCI7Vko6FJpYkJ_yFR31qvPlek5pvmNUMCzzrQStW_dzhmCauAjSlEb389ar4_QXPs6mBn3dKgr2SEVXX3ZcSXbdaJEFZuzQ_w/s320/camp+lc+rosen.jpg" width="208" /></a></div>
Well, how good is Camp by LC Rosen? When I first saw the book on Netgalley, my first thought was 'I love the cover' and I still think it is very eye-catching. Then I saw it was written by LC Rosen and I recently read and loved Jack of Hearts (and Other Parts) by the same author so that piqued my interest. Then! I found this book is about queer teenagers who go to a summer camp specifically for a safe space to celebrate their queerness and that was it, I was sold.<br />
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The premise of Camp is such that readers must know from the outset that things will Go Wrong but I’m here for the journey so that didn’t bother me. So, Randy has been going to Camp Outland for years. He takes part in the summer musical, it’s where he’s met all his best friends and it’s where he fell in love-from-afar with Hudson. Hudson, who doesn’t even know Randy exists because Hudson only likes straight-acting masculine guys. So Randy has A Plan. This year, he’s come to camp with a total make-over. He’s cut his hair, lost weight and he’s trying out a new masculine look to woo the heart of Hudson. He's even abandoning the musical in order to take part in all the sports activities that Hudson does. He figures it'll be okay to just have cosmetic changes and it's not that bad because who he is inside is the same and if he stops wearing nail polish just until Hudson falls for him, that'll be okay, right?<br />
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Despite the inherent mess that the premise causes, what I loved about this book is the very idea of such a wonderful, supportive summer camp. I love the idea of this safe space for queer teens who need a place to unwind and have fun without negativity or judgement. I loved that this book included a wide representation of the LGBT+ community and that Randy’s friends support him but also question him like crazy about this (pretty dumb) plan. I think that Camp is pretty focused on this relationship between Randy and Hudson but there is also a pretty great character development between these two main characters with each of them learning a great deal more about themselves and what they're about. Randy's friendship group was another major strength of the novel though and I was living for them calling out Randy's behaviour throughout the book. <br />
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I loved the exploration of toxic masculinity, internalised homophobia, and gender roles. I loved the core message of ‘be and love yourself’ I also loved that LGBT history is subtly woven through the story. Camp is definitely one to look out for!Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-36506096139159272752020-06-27T10:00:00.000+01:002020-06-27T10:00:07.566+01:00REVIEW: Boy Queen by George Lester<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well, what a lot of fun book Boy Queen by George Lester is! Thoroughly entertaining from start to finish. And I really had Thoughts and Opinions on some of the characters (one in particular no spoilers, promise) and at times I really just wanted to shake Robin, our main character and be all, 'girl, what's with all the lies?' So Robin is just turning 18 and he is surrounded himself with an incredible assortment of supportive people. His mum, his drama teacher, his dance teacher and his friends. I love how much support Robin has in his life. Also, as an aside, I loved his relationship with his mum so much.<br />
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Robin doesn't have it all figured out, but he has his besties and he has this secret boyfriend, and Robin plans to go to drama school in London. But when he faces rejection after rejection for everywhere he applies, he goes through a bit of a tailspin...<br />
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Honestly, I just loved poor Robin. He's so ...talented and lacking in confidence. He's so awkward and he keeps telling lies instead of just talking to the people who love and care about him! The dialogue in this is hilarious because all of the characters are full of SASS, but I wanted it all.. There was some great messages about the importance of treating the people in your life like they are important and finding those things that make you stupidly happy, about picking yourself up after set-backs.<br />
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I wanted Robin to get there quicker with his interest in drag after seeing a local drag show with his friends, not going to lie. Loved every bit of make up and high heels and the transformation of all-singing, all-dancing theatre nerd into on fire, confident Drag Queen. It was a joy to behold, as were the drag queens themselves, especially Kay Bye who shines as Robin's drag mum. This was George Lester's debut book and I cannot wait to read more by him.
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<b>Preorder Boy Queen now, or add it to your wish lists: publishing on 6th August. </b>Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-957183482443298842020-06-19T09:00:00.000+01:002020-06-19T09:00:08.704+01:00Mini-Reviews: The Great Godden, The Gravity of Us and Giant Days <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">The Great Godden by Meg Rosoff</span></b><br />
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I was really looking forward to reading The Great Godden by Meg Rosoff. I've really enjoyed her books in the past and the description of this one sounded really appealing - a big family spends the summer at their holiday house by the sea - and they're joined by these two boys, one of whom is the mysterious and charming Kit Godden and what follows is this summer of love. Everything about that appeals to me. Summer, beach house, love.<br />
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I thought The Great Godden was written really beautifully written as is to be expected from Meg Rosoff, and I loved the lazy, summer days and the quirks of this family. But certain elements of the book just didn't work for me as well.<br />
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1) We are never told the name or gender of the main character. The reader, I guess, is left to make any conclusions on their own (as I did) but I don't think this worked very well.<br />
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2) I think maybe my expectations of this book based on the description versus what actually happens within the story were vastly different which hampered my enjoyment of the book. This is more of a problem with me and my own expectations rather than anything within the book? <br />
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I didn't feel emotionally connected to the characters, to the story or to the relationships throughout. I think I just wanted more.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">The Gravity of Us by Phil Stamper</span></b><br />
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The Gravity of Us by Phil Stamper was definitely an interesting read! I didn't know much about it going in besides the basics - a teenager with an online following is uprooted from NYC to Texas so that his dad can train as an astronaut for an upcoming mission to Mars and falls in love with another astronaut's son. But there was definitely a lot more to this one.<br />
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There was a really interesting thread of science throughout this whole book and that was a really enjoyable aspect to the novel. Some of my favourite elements of The Gravity of Us included some background information that goes on behind the scenes at NASA. I really wanted to know more about the dirt and how it's being analysed!<br />
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There was also the reality TV elements to the story which showcased rather unfavourable sides to journalism but also explored some other types of media and attempted to make a point about what viewers want vs. what TV producers think viewers want. It was interesting though I wished the author had pulled back slightly on some of it. Some of it was a little heavy-handed and a subtler approach could possibly have worked better (for me).<br />
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On the whole I thought Cal and Leon's relationship was ADORABLE if slightly quick on the uptake. Cal was insufferably self-centred and messed up a lot but that felt realistic too and he at least owned up to his shitty behaviour and called himself on it within the text which I appreciated.<br />
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More contemporary books with science-based themes, please! And more cute gay stories.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Giant Days by Non Pratt</span></b><br />
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<i -="" a="" about="" absolutely="" adventures="" also="" always="" and="" aren="" as="" away="" based="" be="" being="" book.="" book="" books="" but="" by="" clinging="" d="" daisy="" days="" e-book="" enjoyed="" esther="" everything="" fan="" follow="" forward="" friend="" friends="" friendships="" from="" fun="" genuine="" giant="" graphic="" her="" hobbies="" home.="" huge="" i="" in="" is="" it="" like="" look="" lot="" loved="" m="" mixing="" more="" navigating="" netgalley="" new="" non="" not="" novels="" of="" old="" on="" own="" paperback="" pratt="" pre="" read.="" read="" readers="" really="" related="" relationships.="" school="" seems="" signed="" stories.="" susan="" t="" that="" the="" their="" them="" there="" things="" this="" though="" three="" to="" uncertainty="" university-based="" university="" unsure="" ve="" was="" well="" were="" which="" wish="" with="" work="" would="">
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I'm a huge fan of Non Pratt and I've loved everything by her that I've read. I always look forward to her books and as well as this e-book from Netgalley, I also own a signed paperback of this Giant Days.
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I've not read the graphic novels of which this book is based, but from this book it seems as though the graphic novels would be a lot of fun?<br />
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Giant Days tells this story of three friends, Esther, Susan and Daisy, as readers follow their adventures in university navigating school work, friendships, hobbies and relationships.<br />
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I enjoyed Giant Days and really related to a lot of it - being unsure of mixing old friends with new, clinging to friendships that aren't as genuine as I'd like them to be, the uncertainty of new things, being away from home. It felt unusual to read a story like this one that explores this new world at university and was definitely a pleasant change from some of my usual reading. I absolutely wish there were more university-based stories.<br />
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I think the reason that I didn't enjoy this book as much as I'd have liked is that there seemed to be threads of story lines that were teased in this book (characters' sexuality, for example) that will probably be explored more in further volumes of the graphic novel and also the second half went into some territory that I didn't feel was relatable which felt jarring alongside all of the actual relatable university stuff. Still, it was an enjoyable way to pass a few hours!Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-8876296958764242082020-06-18T09:00:00.000+01:002020-06-18T09:00:08.131+01:00REVIEW: Here Is the Beehive by Sarah Crossan<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well. I really adore Sarah Crossan's verse novels from young adults and I was excited to read something from her aimed at an adult audience. I was intrigued by the title, Here is the Beehive, and the cover is gorgeous. I think by this point, I might just be tempted by every verse novel going. <br />
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Sarah Crossan has such an incredible skill of creating relatable characters with interesting relationships. And Here is the Beehive was such an emotional journey for me. Already it takes such skill to write a novel in verse, but I was amazed by how many surprises there were in this book, how I really came to know Ana and understand her decisions. Here is the Beehive is about Ana, a solicitor who has been having a three year affair with (married) Connor but when the worst happens and Connor dies, Ana's grief is largely invisible because nobody knew that he meant anything more to her.<br />
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This story is told in the present as Ana is struggling to come to terms with her own grief and complicated feelings about her relationship with Connor but it's also told in the past, so we can see Ana and Connor's relationship forming and the lines that are crossed and the decisions that are made, the justification. Everything is pretty messed up, the exploration of this relationship was all sorts of messy, with promises made, lines crossed, the emotional destruction, the lies, the secrecy, the neediness, the insecurity. <br />
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One thing that really stood out for me with this book was that I loved that as soon as I thought I knew these characters something unexpected is revealed. It felt like there were plenty of surprises in this story even when things probably seem straightforward.<br />
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Here is the Beehive was one of the stories that creeped up on me. I hadn't realised how emotionally attached I was until that final quarter of the book where all the heartache just built into this crescendo. Beautiful.
Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-66582526362178723692020-06-10T09:00:00.000+01:002020-06-10T09:00:00.996+01:00Mission Statement on Fluttering ButterfliesMy reading goals on Fluttering Fluttering Butterflies have been the same for years. This isn't new territory, but I feel like it needs clarification and a bit more thought put into it. So I thought I'd break things down further, talk about my progress and any plans for the future for each of the areas of interest on this blog and in my reading.<br />
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I realised that most of this reading is pointless unless I'm also writing about these books on this blog, on twitter, on instagram and leaving reviews in places where it would help so to that end, I pledge to do more to read and review these books and also to use my available platforms to shout more about these books.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Reading UK authors</span></b></div>
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<b>Justification</b>: I've always been a huge supporter of British authors. When I first started book blogging, it felt as though a lot of readers, especially readers of YA, had very American-centred reading habits and I wanted to do more to support locals authors and their books. I've taken part for several years in a British Reading Challenge but I have no idea anymore if this reading challenge has continued? If not, does it need to be rebooted? or nah?<br />
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<b>Progress</b>: I've read 61 books this year and 37 of the books I've read have been by British authors making it 61% of my reading this year.<br />
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<b>Plans for rest of the year and beyond</b>: I feel like this is a good percentage already and can only be continued. Before calculations, I imagined the total to be at least half of my reading and I'd like that to be maintained. More intersectional reading would be preferential. More debut authors.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Reading LGBTQ+ Authors and story lines </span></b></div>
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<b>Justification</b>: It wasn't too long ago that I came out on this blog as being bisexual. I've talked (very briefly!) about some of the internalised homophobia that I had to overcome in order to recognise this part of my sexuality and my identity. It is important to me to read more about LGBTQ+ story lines in order to widen my understanding of important issues but also because I enjoy these books and story lines.<br />
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<b>Progress</b>: I've read 21 books with LGBT main story lines out of 61 books which makes a total of 34% I believe the number of #ownvoices books have been the majority of what I've read but I haven't looked too deeply into this, it's more of a feeling.<br />
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<b>Plans for rest of the year and beyond</b>: I would like to keep up with a high percentage of LGBTQ+ story lines. I'd like to read more trans experiences and also LGBTQ+ story lines that are also BAME characters or have disabilities. I think my intersectional LGBTQ+ reading is currently lacking. Definitely look into if my reading consists of #ownvoices authors. More books about NB or gender fluid characters and sexualities that are under represented in my own reading like ace story lines.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Reading POC authors with POC main characters </span></b></div>
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<b>Justification</b>: I've discussed it before but perhaps I'm not as vocal about this as I could be but I am of mixed race heritage. I also have mixed race children and I would like to be an advocate for POC authors and story lines. Everybody deserves to have good representation and to see themselves in books.<br />
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<b>Progress</b>: 13 books read by POC authors out of 61 books read in 2020: 21%<br />
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<b>Plans for rest of the year and beyond</b>: George Floyd's death and the #blacklivesmatter protests have shown me that I've been lumping all People of Colour authors into the same category which means for this reason that there is a higher percentage, yes. But when I break down how many black authors I've read in 2020 it becomes 11/61 which is just 11% I can definitely and should definitely do better than this. Plans for the rest of the year is to increase my reading of POC authors, to particularly read more black authors and to be more vocal about these authors on social media and this blog. Also to read more non-fiction about anti-racism and black history to educate myself better.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Reading books with mental illness story lines </span></b></div>
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<b>Justification</b>: I hope that I've been able to put across how much mental illness has had an impact on my life? I was raised by a single father with quite complex mental illnesses and have dealt with many of my own mental illness challenges throughout my life. It is important that more people have understanding of mental illness and it is definitely a subject area that I gravitate towards.<br />
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<b>Progress</b>: I've only read 5 books in 2020 with main story lines involving mental illness. This makes up just 8% of my reading.<br />
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<b>Plans for rest of the year and beyond</b>: I haven't read as many books with mental illness story lines this year. I would like to read more and also read more widely as well.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">How successful have your reading goals been this year? Have any of your goals changed in light of recent events?</span></b></div>
Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-71434927486769978262020-06-08T09:00:00.000+01:002020-06-08T09:00:10.089+01:00REVIEW Gloves Off by Louisa Reid<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've been a big fan of UKYA author, Louisa Reid, in the past, so I was very excited to hear that Louisa Reid had a new book out and a new book told in verse. This book was gifted to me by Andrew of <a href="http://thepewterwolf.blogspot.com/">The Pewter Wolf Reads</a>, which was lovely of him (thanks again!)<br />
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Gloves Off is the story of 16 year old, Lily, whose life is split into two parts - her at school, where she is bullied by her classmates because of her weight, and at home where she pretends that everything is okay because her family has its own share of struggles. When Lily is the victim of a particularly bad bullying incident, her dad encourages her to start training at a local boxing gym in an attempt to regain some of her or self-esteem and self-worth. <br />
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I've said it before, but I've always been in awe of authors who are able to pull off verse novels with such a parity of words but that still pack an emotional punch (pun intended). Such was the case with Gloves Off. <br />
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The main narrator of this book is Lily, sharing her painful experiences of bullying and toxic 'friendships' but there are also chapters dedicated to Lily's mum, which were an absolute surprise to me that added layers to this book. Lily is a great character and I was rooting for her all the way through, but I also found Lily's mum's voice to be really compelling and reading of her own struggles with her weight and the trauma that forces her to not leave her house. Both Lily and her mum are on their own journeys to building confidence and it was a joy to witness them both. <br />
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I was obviously enraged with the lack of action taken by Lily's teachers and school in not protecting Lily better in what was obviously a really bad situation. I'd have liked to have seen something more practical happening instead of karma but I also realise that these things happen and it isn't always realistic that schools would have adequate policies and procedures in place to protect students from bullying. <br />
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I'm really here for these stories about sport that are encouraging positive aspects of boxing like gaining self-confidence. In Lily's case, she does get fitter but she also gains skill in boxing, she finds friends and a crush in the shape of Rose, another boxer at the gym. <br />
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Gloves Off was a wonderful story of fighting through adversity and discovering your own strength. Plus, boxer girls kissing!Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-64193711457005085712020-06-07T18:27:00.000+01:002020-06-07T18:27:04.709+01:00REVIEW: Hideous Beauty by William Hussey<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hideous Beauty by William Hussey has been one of my favourite reads of 2020. The love between Dylan and Ellis was so beautiful and emotional and I felt absolutely wrung out after reading this book.<br />
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The main premise of the story is that because of a leaked viral sex video, Dylan is forced to come out to his parents about his and El's secret relationship. They decide to go to a school dance to get the awkwardness of seeing their classmates after the video is seen out of the way. Things seem to go well with Dylan's parents and everyone at school seems to accept Dylan and Ellis but even so El becomes distant and withdrawn and as they're driving home, Ellis loses control of the car, they end up in a lake and Dylan is pulled free with Ellis left to drown. When Dylan wakes up in hospital, he vows to find out all the mysteries of Ellis which boils down to the following:<br />
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1) Who released the video of Dylan and Ellis?<br />
2) Why was Ellis acting so weird at the dance?<br />
3) Who saved Dylan and left El to die?<br />
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Honestly, this book ripped my heart out. It was pretty impressive how quickly I fell for Dylan and El: their relationship is barely introduced in the pages of this book before the car accident but that entire scene had me crying my eyes out. The love between these two boys was so pure and absolute and what happens is devastating. And Dylan's grief is such an intense feeling that I completely believed and felt too. And there's just no let up - following the car accident itself led quickly on to El's funeral which was brutal. The depiction of grief in Hideous Beauty was so intense and palpable.<br />
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As Dylan gets more involved in exploring the mysteries that led up to Ellis's death, it was kind of interesting to see how and where the cracks appear in what seems to be acceptance of Dylan and El's relationship. Hideous Beauty is a reference to a special place the two boys go, but it also felt like an excellent description of this book - that the incredible love between these boys (Beauty) exists in a world where parents disown their children, where awful people prey on the vulnerable and where true acceptance is not met (Hideous).<br />
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This book was everything. Intense, romantic, emotional, heartbreaking. I urge you to read it and be as swept away in these characters as much as I was.<br />
<br />Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-42983180235612409432020-05-26T15:05:00.001+01:002020-05-26T15:05:14.662+01:00Starting over as a book bloggerI've been blogging on Fluttering Butterflies since January of 2006. But not consecutively. There have been large gaps and blogging breaks. I always knew that breaks would mean less engagement, people becoming less interested in what I had to say or write or at the very least being less aware. But when I decided to return at the beginning of this year to reboot my collaborative booktube channel, Bookish Brits, I had no idea how bad things had gotten. (same with this poor blog!) <div>
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It was other things at first that I noticed first: that posts on Instagram and Twitter didn't seem to get any engagement but that if I posted on Facebook, I'd have much more engagement. I just figured that FB was a better media platform for me at the time instead of thinking 'FB is where all my real-life friends/family are' which would explain the higher engagement. What it took me forever to realise... is that Instagram and Twitter (and also YouTube!) had moved on without me. A lot of the people I follow/who follow me on these social media platforms had mostly stopped blogging or booktubing. There weren't that many 'newer' (to me!) book bloggers or booktubers that I had followed. So when I was tweeting about niche book blogger problems earlier in the year it really didn't land with the right audience. </div>
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I find myself now in this difficult position of starting all over with everything. I was already following upwards of a thousand booktube channels, but now I'm following more. Following more bookish people on Twitter and Instagram, watching lots of booktube videos to figure out how the booktubing community has changed and evolved since I last posted there. I haven't really been reading many book blogs as yet but that's my next step. </div>
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It's always difficult starting over but I find that it's worth it. I get a lot of enjoyment at writing about books, uploading bookish content to YouTube. Sure, the community isn't quite the same but perhaps that will change over time. For now, I'm an outsider again, and invisible. But I've got my passion back for reading and writing and some ideas for upcoming posts and videos and who knows what will happen next, eh? </div>
Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-77703323863837974232020-03-31T18:27:00.001+01:002020-03-31T18:27:25.695+01:00Corona Diaries Vol. 1When this whole thing started, there were ten million tweets about how famous people like Shakespeare did great things when quarantined from plague, or whatever. And I have to admit, I got sucked into that whole 'I'll use this time effectively' mindset. I had this idea that I'd do something I always wanted to do and take up online piano lessons. It is a really nice idea, in theory, reading more, doing more, being creative in this time where we are all stuck at home and have seemingly an endless amount of time on our hands where we're not commuting, not going out. In practice? It's a whole different thing. <div>
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Because I'm still working full-time. I am hugely grateful to still have a job and one that I can do from home. But it is still what takes up my time and brain power and energy between 9 and 5:30 Monday to Friday. <div>
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I also have both boys at home. N's home too, so we're sharing the cooking and cleaning as always. We're also sharing supervising the boys' educational activities. We're trying to reach that balance between having a structure to the day and letting them just kind kind of get on with fun stuff. I'm sure everyone is doing this too. I don't for one second think I'm unique in anything I've written in this blog post.</div>
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I'm doing a qualification with a local college right now. It runs for a full academic year so will finish in June. Lessons switched from face-to-face to video calls every week. It's been nice to keep in touch with everyone but good god, it's been difficult trying to concentrate on writing assignments and juggling things like management concepts and 'assess four different contemporary external factors impacting on organisation's business and the HR function' right now. I don't want to give up on this course but I'm also just finding it hard to focus. Harvard referencing and report writing just don't really fit in to this world that has been changed so much.</div>
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There's also the significant portion of my day spent reading the news. I have taken to doom surfing quite a lot, looking at the numbers, keeping up to date on the latest guidelines, advice. Reading expert recommendations of how long this will last, reading about survivor stories. I check my temperature a lot, I keep track of how many times I've coughed. How many times N or the boys do. I've been sucked into every detail and sometimes I need to pull myself away before I break my heart every day.</div>
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I'm also addicted to the good stuff too. People doing nice things for others, the celebration of NHS workers, shop workers, delivery drivers, postal workers, cleaners, the police, and teachers amongst others. I can't get enough of this right now. I love looking at twitter and reading about personal stories too: the niceness of strangers, neighbours, friends. How we're all stuck at home on our own but we're also all in this together. All these stories restore my faith in humanity. </div>
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I don't know what I'm trying to say here. I think it's mostly just a reminder to myself that it's okay to do what I've been doing - which is the bare minimum. I do my work, I do my bit around the house, I check in with friends and loved ones, I open the Word document with my assignments due on them and at least try to make some progress. I also binge watched the first season of Riverdale on the weekend and there was no guilt whatsoever. It's okay to just get by right now. </div>
Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-23200559957742999762019-12-28T21:25:00.000+00:002019-12-28T21:25:03.357+00:00Favourite Books of 2019I haven't read many books this year. I've read 44 books so far and will possibly finish another before the end of the year. (Looking at what books I have completed though include three textbooks for my HR course!)<br />
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Unlike previous years, 2019's reading habits features much more books aimed at adults and non-fiction books than ever. But still, which are my favourite books read this year? YA. My heart will always be with you, YA. So without further ado, here are my top three books read in 2019. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Autoboyography by Christina Lauren</b> </span><br />
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This is the first book I read in 2019 and at the end of the year it has remained one of my favourites. I even wrote a review of it earlier this year (I'm just as shocked as you are) but this one's about an openly bisexual boy who has to go back into the closet after his mom takes a job in a predominantly Mormon community. He takes a seminar for creative writing and falls in love with another boy. It's about this hugely adorable and swoon-worthy romance between these two but also about the power of words and story-telling and the exploration of identity, acceptance and sexuality.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Phantom Limbs by Paula Garner</b> </span><br />
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I am such a sucker for an emotional contemporary love story. I won't apologise for that! I loved Phantom Limbs and how much this story was about the relationships between the characters. The main character is Otis and three years ago, his little brother died in a tragic accident that tore apart his family and around the same time his best friend moves away. In order to cope with the grief, he turns to swimming and his mentored by ex-Olympic hopeful, Dara. Then Meg comes back and Otis, Meg and Dara are left trying to deal with how to navigate this new situation. This book was so emotional, the grief and confusion, heartbreak and friendship. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo</b> </span><br />
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I read Elizabeth Acevedo's debut book this year as well, The Poet X, and that book also stole my heart. But I preferred Emoni's story. With a daughter to care for and only her abuela's help, Emoni has to face the realities of her world. She wants to take the new culinary arts class at school, she'd love to go on the accompanying school trip to Spain but she has to balance her dreams with practicalities. I really loved this one. I thought Emoni was a brilliant character, I loved the descriptions of her cooking, her relationships with her daughter's father, her abuela, her best friend, the new love interest. One of my favourite aspects of the book was also her relationship with her father who moved away and keeping up with that relationship which really touched on some of my own personal experiences. I think I'll always pick up new books by Acevedo.<br />
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Well, who is surprised there? All three books are contemporary. They all feature a range of diverse characters in terms of religion, sexuality, race, and disability. Bring on 2020 with more emotional contemporary stories. <br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">What were your favourite reads of 2019? </span></b></div>
Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-24554017902556592862019-12-21T21:25:00.000+00:002019-12-21T21:25:04.974+00:00What attracted me to #HRI don't seem to have updated this blog on my latest career developments - I guess I leave that to Facebook and Twitter - but for the past 10 months I've been working in recruitment and from the start of January 2020 I make the step into an HR generalist role. I'm equal parts thrilled and terrified about this. And in the process of making this change, I've been to countless interviews. And something that comes up quite a lot is '<b>why HR</b>?' which I thought I'd discuss briefly today because I think it's interesting and maybe you do too?<div>
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If you were to look at my CV you'd see that I kind of swayed between retail jobs for a bit, took a really long career break and then went back into retail. My first job after moving to the UK was at WHSmith. Because they were hiring, really. I got moved from the stationery department, to the front tills, to the book department. And I liked working with books, so I thought I'd move to being a bookseller when a bookstore opened in the same town. Then I gave that up to raise my children. And when I went back into paid employment the only job I could find was at Accessorize. </div>
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And as an aside, I used this as a selling point during interviews (I didn't know anything about stationery when I started at WHSmith, I didn't know anything about children's books when I took over that department at Books Etc, I knew zip about fashion before Accessorize but I am comfortable with the uncomfortable. I like tackling these types of challenges, so take a chance on me etc.) </div>
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Whilst I did enjoy my work at Accessorize I definitely did not love being on my feet all day. Or working late nights. Or weekends. Or bank holidays. Or working over the Christmas period. Or working in a store constantly under threat of closure because of how poorly UK high streets and stores are facing in these trying economic times. So what did I do? I knew quite obviously what I <i>didn't </i>enjoy about my job. So instead, I sat down and I wrote a list of all the things that I <i>did </i>enjoy about my job. </div>
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And that list included recruitment processes, inductions for new employees, overseeing disciplinary meetings, performance reviews, updating personnel records, looking after the training in the store, the upkeep of payroll. I liked getting to know the girls I worked with (and when I left some of them said I felt like their 'second mother' which made me feel pretty weepy, ngl). That paired with my customer service skills, the juggling of priorities that anyone in retail must have. A good sense of humour in times of crisis, that sort of thing. A bit of time with google and I came across an entry level Human Resources course at a local college that covered a lot of things that I loved to do and I could see myself doing elsewhere as a proper career. It was perhaps the only time in my entire life that I'd had this actual light bulb moment. I'm so grateful for my time at Accessorize</div>
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The rest of this story could be rushed along because I got my job in recruitment and now I have this other job in HR. But the truth of it is that me figuring out (finally!) what I wanted to do with my life in my late-30s was just the first step, really. </div>
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What follows was me working my ass off to work full-time AND study for that first HR course. Writing essays, taking part in excruciating role play scenarios. Selling myself at interview after interview until I got my recruitment job. Passing my HR course, promptly starting the Intermediate course. Doing that while working full-time again, juggling it with family life. Being under pressure to find another job (my recruitment job was a Fixed Term Contract). Selling myself at more interviews, pushing myself further and further to fight for my right to sit at the HR table, to be included in the conversations, to be considered for HR roles. </div>
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I know what I want to do now (and importantly, why). And I'm willing to fight for it. </div>
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Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-55195566696739753032019-12-05T12:05:00.002+00:002019-12-05T12:05:39.872+00:00Ch-ch-changes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There have been a lot of changes in my life recently. A lot of changes. I was having dinner with an old friend lately who asked me about one particular change: the (in)activity on this blog. She asked why I thought I'd stopped blogging? <br />
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I hadn't given it much thought but within seconds I gave her my honest answer <strong>'Grief</strong>.' Grief has really hampered my creativity and I found it quite surprising that it's had the lasting impact that it has. I've faced loss recently and I'm a different person than I was before. <br />
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But it isn't the only reason. I think some of the reason is that life moves on and I have too. I'm in a different job than I was when I was a regular blogger here, I'm studying at an evening course for the second academic year in a row, my kids are growing up and ... I'm not reading as much. All this other stuff has taken up so much time that I now find it more difficult to sit down and write. <br />
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And I think part of my problem was that I was so focused on what <em>I used to write about</em>. I was so focused on getting back to how I used to write that I lost sight of everything else I could be writing about if I gave it some proper thought. Like my new career, my new life experiences, my new interests that I've taken on. Which doesn't replace my interest in books, not at all. But it gives my life meaning in a way that books and book blogging used to give me. <br />
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So perhaps in the New Year, if anyone is still interested (and even if you aren't!) I'll be making some changes around here. I don't want to define those changes too narrowly but I am excited. I hope you are too.Michelle (Fluttering Butterflies)http://www.blogger.com/profile/16528693076511362226noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-15461716712032181602019-08-26T19:25:00.000+01:002019-08-26T19:34:47.870+01:00Being a Person of Colour in the UK <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This past weekend I was in London. My husband N and I wanted to take our two children into London in order to see some theater on the West End. It was something we were all looking forward to and was to be a weekend that was one of the highlights of our summer. It was also a nice time for the four of us to spend some time together and see some sights. Two things happened over the weekend that I wanted to share today.<br />
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The first thing happens so regularly that I cannot even count the number of times it's happened: The four of us enter a restaurant in a group all at the same time, obviously a family of four. The hostess takes one look at us and says 'Table for three?'<br />
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This photo is to help anybody who might not be familiar with what my absolutely beautiful family looks like. N is of Indian descent and together with my half Native American heritage everyone else in my family has a darker shade of skin than me. Because of this strangers all over the place take one look at my family and decide that one of these things is not like the others and I am it.<br />
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So, we stayed in a hotel equidistant from the two theaters we were planning to visit. And we come out of a tube station and go to stand at a cross-walk and we're standing with a group of people who are already there. Within seconds of standing at this cross-walk this older white woman taps me on the arm and when I turn to look at her she says in this loud, exaggerated way, 'If you need to cross the street, you have to PUSH the BUTTON.' then nods her head to check if I've understood her. She even pushes the button as a demonstration.<br />
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I give her two shocked blinks before I say 'I know that.' and she comes across all, 'Well, I was only trying to help' but somehow this time around she manages to speak to me in a normal tone of voice without the unnecessary pauses and emphasis on words. She even manages to look offended when I go to stand on the other side of N, and ask 'Did she just speak to me like I don't understand English?' because I really needed someone else to validate that that was a thing that had just happened. <br />
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These things were just two little things that I happened to remember when I came to sitting down to write this. Due to the regularity of these types of experiences it didn't affect the enjoyment of the musicals we saw or the time we spent together. But it does make me a little sad. That these are still things that I, or other POC, experience on a regular basis.<br />
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For these reasons, it's definitely necessary for this book, Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge to be out there in the world. She very intelligently puts into words a lot of the thoughts and experiences, things that make me angry about being a POC in this world (but specifically about living in the UK). I've written a (very) little bit on this blog about some of the racism that I've dealt with in my life and every time I'm more vocal about my opinions or my experiences (especially online) I get (mostly white) people who are there to argue with me, have me explain to them who don't believe it is a thing why white privilege is an actual thing or similar.<br />
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This is my long-winded way of saying that I loved this book and that I'm recommending it if you haven't yet read it.<br />
<br />Michelle Fluttering Butterflieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08793681725475475156noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-75655667528743440232019-08-18T22:16:00.001+01:002019-08-18T22:16:19.991+01:00Reading Diary: Joe All Alone by Joanna Nadin<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'd heard good things about Joe All Alone by Joanna Nadin but I put off reading this book for the same reason that I've also put off writing this review: it all feels a little personal.<br />
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The basis of Joe All Alone is that this 13 year old boy, Joe, is left all alone in his flat whilst his mum and her boyfriend go off on holiday. It was only when I sat down to write this blog post that I saw that this book was being described as 'Home Alone meets Jacqueline Wilson' and I feel that that description is pretty apt. It has elements of 'this is the coolest thing ever' with all the freedom that comes with being alone. But also the heartbreaking reality of being faced with the responsibility of things no 13 year old should have to deal with or consider. Things like what to do when the food runs out or the electricity. <br />
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I loved Joe. His voice was endearing and I really felt for him immediately. I loved his friendship with Asha and the ways in which people show Joe that there is still goodness in the world after the shocking abandonment of his mother. <br />
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It was definitely hard for me to read some parts of Joe All Alone. Which is mostly because I grew up in a similarly neglectful environment. There was no bad influence-boyfriend that swayed an otherwise good parent into making bad decisions in my case - I was left at home the first time around Joe's age. For a weekend at first and then it would become longer (and it was never easier). There were moments of Joe's narrative that really brought up the confusion and fear that really brought home my own childhood memories. <br />
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Joe All Alone was a challenging read for me because of my own history. It really shined a torch at poverty and neglect, for sure, but it balanced that out with Joe's positivity and optimism. The end result felt realistic but ultimately hopeful.Michelle Fluttering Butterflieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08793681725475475156noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-21496031151911453622019-05-06T12:52:00.000+01:002019-05-06T12:54:13.322+01:00Reading Diary: The Sidekicks by Will Kostakis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRZnLDwhByKof1vFWgTjpCfSOytffWLjIcWLJlXZ4S0triWS5Csu8WIII_BWmaI5j5UbMaHLHL3z1Sov67PRu-Dj4pb5-bE6JCHwt7AypAw-CQHRRWNrKPK3hKv9ijXoGvaQaa6g/s1600/the+sidekicks+will+kostakis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="475" data-original-width="308" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRZnLDwhByKof1vFWgTjpCfSOytffWLjIcWLJlXZ4S0triWS5Csu8WIII_BWmaI5j5UbMaHLHL3z1Sov67PRu-Dj4pb5-bE6JCHwt7AypAw-CQHRRWNrKPK3hKv9ijXoGvaQaa6g/s320/the+sidekicks+will+kostakis.jpg" width="207" /></a></div>
I don't remember where I first heard about The Sidekicks by Will Kostakis? It must have been an American blog or a link on Twitter. I feel like every so often I really like to read something that I know nothing about, that I've heard nothing (or very little about). It makes reading more refreshing for me bringing in that element of surprise that is often lost as a book blogger - even one like me who hasn't kept up with the news or gossip and has entirely fallen off social media over the past year.<br />
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For whatever reason, I became aware of this book, had it downloaded onto my Kindle and earlier this year chose it to read knowing absolutely nothing about it beforehand. It turned out to be a good gamble. I really enjoyed reading this one. It's told in three parts each part from the perspective of either Ryan, Miles or Harley. These boys have nothing in common, they don't like each other, their only link is that they were each friends with Isaac, who at the start of the story has died.<br />
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I had several favourite parts of the story. I really liked each of the boys' voices. Each part of the story was really captivating and I wanted to read more about each of them. Another favourite aspect: I liked how my opinion of each of the boys changed (including my opinion of Isaac) as the story progresses and because of the decisions the boys make.<br />
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I loved the exploration of friendship, identity and grief in The Sidekicks. The boys are so vastly different: a nerd, an athlete, a rebel. But the ways in which each of them finds common ground with the others usually begrudgingly was really sweet to unravel in this story. I also liked that whilst each of the boys had a strong element of identity at the start: Swimmer, Rebel, Nerd, by the end of it each of the boys had much more complexity to themselves and within their friendship group. Also, the treatment of their grief was really well done. Plus points also for the LGBT story line of a main character and someone tell me why AusYA is so appealing to me?<br />
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I think part of my enjoyment of reading this book is because in high school I perhaps took some elements from this book for granted a little too much. I fell into a friendship group and never really questioned 'are these friends the right people for me? are these friendships providing me with what I need?' and also I never really fought against the identities that other people figured me for. I think it took me a really long time to work out these tough but important considerations.<br />
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It's been several months since I finished The Sidekicks but I'm super glad that I gave this book a chance.Michelle Fluttering Butterflieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08793681725475475156noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-70810134902624728502019-02-12T12:53:00.002+00:002019-02-12T12:53:56.798+00:00Reading Diary: Thinner Leaner Stronger by Michael Matthews<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Another book I've read so far this year is this book: Thinner Leaner Stronger by Michael Matthews. The title goes on to say 'The simple science of building the ultimate female body' and it's a really interesting book about gaining muscle, shedding fat, eating the right types of food and all of it has a very scientific basis for success. I read it fairly quickly and this book had my attention throughout. <br />
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I think it's through reading this book in particular that helped me so far in my weight loss goals. Namely, that I wrote down my goals and I was SMART about them. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-bound) The author also suggests a mood board and some other ideas but the one goal I have achieved this year was to run for 30 minutes non-stop, which I did by focusing on my breathing throughout and keeping an idea in my head about why I was running. Part of my goals are to be fitter and healthier, to be a healthy weight for my age and height, some of it is for other reasons. <br />
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Since I was pretty young, I've always struggled with my appearance. The way my face looks, my body, my hair. I've found that I hate my facial expressions, I've hated the way my face changes when I smile. I don't like seeing my hair from the back, I don't like my profile. I don't like wearing clothes that would my emphasise my thighs or stomach or flab around my arms. I don't like my wide shoulders, the thickness of my body, I've hidden behind my glasses since I was three years old. <br />
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Since I was very young I have hated so many aspects of the way I look, I've hated my body. I feel like I've been conditioned to hate that by everything and everyone around me. The comments that other people have made about me - not even just in the media - but family members, friends, adults in my life. It's felt never-ending and I've battled against my own self-hatred for a very long time. I can't say that any of that will be completely erased anytime soon but what I can say is that things have improved. <br />
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I used to avoid looking in mirrors, I used to avoid having my photo taken. But it got to the point where I thought, why don't I have my photo taken? Why do I want to erase any memory of myself living this life? I try not to be as overly critical when I do look in the mirror (I try to focus on one thing I DO like about myself every time I start to feel the negativity creep in) and I make a point of taking a selfie every now and then. Sometimes I even post them on social media. I've talked to several other people about similar thoughts. It helps knowing that I'm not alone though it is sad. Please note that I'm not posting this in order to receive any compliments. Logically I know that I'm not hideous to look at. I just need to build the confidence to be okay with what I look like and that is a process. <br />
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I'm not happy with the weight that I am but I am working towards a realistic weight loss goal, possibly including some of the advice or suggestions I read in this book. I'm working on other things too, like processing the comments and experiences I've had about my weight or appearance and framing them more in a positive light in an attempt to free myself of some that. I'll get there.Michelle Fluttering Butterflieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08793681725475475156noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-74259275012434377752019-02-05T21:18:00.000+00:002019-02-05T21:18:32.657+00:00Two YearsTwo years ago today my dad died. I still find that incredibly unbelievable. That I've lived in a world without him for two whole years. How did that happen? It doesn't feel that long ago at all. Some days hit me harder than others. When I think of something he'd love to hear about, when I read a news article or hear something particularly interesting or funny and I want to share it with him. And for that split second I forget that he's gone. And I'll never get to tell him anything ever again. Or hear his laugh or give him a hug.<br />
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I'm not sad all the time. Just sometimes. It helps that he knew how I felt about him and I knew how he felt about me. We both just knew and that knowledge brings me some sense of peace. I often wonder what he'd think about my decisions, about my life. I know he'd be proud of me, even if he might not always agree. He was always so proud of me. And N and the boys and couldn't hear enough stories and details of our life together. I miss him. Quite a lot.<br />
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Tonight I ate carrot cake as my small little way to celebrate his life and in my head I can just hear him biting into some really good food, closing his eyes and saying 'mmm, to die for' in this booming voice. My memories of him are all around me and today I needed those reminders.<br />
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Here's a video I made years ago when he was getting more and more ill. You can watch me fight back tears as I share a personal anecdote of one of his trips to visit me. Incidentally, he bought me the entire Boxcar Children series because I adored the books so much. And he'd have bought me that copy of Charlotte's Web. The only book I mention in this video that doesn't have some connection to my dad is The Book of Questions.Michelle Fluttering Butterflieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08793681725475475156noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21582709.post-83913033958190360682019-01-18T10:33:00.000+00:002019-01-18T10:33:06.984+00:00Reading Diary: Maya Angelou Still I Rise<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today's Reading Diary is a little different as it is about a documentary that I recently watched. So, around Christmas, I signed up for Netflix - mostly to watch To All the Boys I've Loved Before if I'm perfectly honest. But I figured, while I have it, I may as well watch all the things I'm interested in.<br />
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This was the first documentary I watched, all about the life of Maya Angelou. And I was pretty surprised when I started watching it. I realised pretty quickly that I knew very little about the woman herself, or her life. I had no idea she was a dancer, a singer, an actress. In fact, she was so many things in her life: a lecturer, a director, a screenwriter. I really only knew her as a poet and the author of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.<br />
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I found it fascinating about her travels, her marriages, her friendships. And I suppose it is for that reason that I wanted to write this Reading Diary entry today. Because on the back of watching this documentary, I added a great number of books to my wish list. I not only want to read the rest of her autobiographies to read about her life in her own words but I added most of James Baldwin's books as well. Maya Angelou and James Baldwin seemed to be particular friends and I became quite curious to read something of his.<br />
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If Beale Street Could Talk is soon going to be released as a film adaptation so now seems like a good time to read that book. Also, Giovanni's Room is on my list because of the LGBT aspects of the story itself. Also, Go Tell It on the Mountain.<br />
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Another book I added to my list is The Autobiography of Malcolm X, which I of course have heard about but have never read. There was also a segment on the set of Poetic Justice where Maya Angelou had this intense interaction with Tupac Shakur that made me quite curious to read his poetry, The Rose The Grew From Concrete, so that made it on the list as well.<br />
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It was definitely a worthwhile use of my time, watching this. I love Maya's poetry and it was fascinating to learn more of her life. I finished watching this and started reading my favourite poems of her's all over again. Old favourites are favourites for a reason!Michelle Fluttering Butterflieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08793681725475475156noreply@blogger.com4