Tuesday, November 18, 2008


The day has arrived! I have recieved the anonymous blog post and am very excited to read other people's secrets and the reactions to those secrets. I'm feeling nervous about my own secret that I've unleashed somewhere within the blogging community. I'm wondering constantly if everyone will just KNOW which one is mine, I'm paranoid that someone might go looking for it, I'm worried that people will react in a different, less positive way than I'd like. I'm just worried.

Before I get to my guest post, please do visit Nilsa over at SoMi, who has done a fantastic job at organising this great event and tell her a big thank you if you've enjoyed this whole experience. I know I have. She wrote in an email about sharing secrets being cathartic and liberating and I couldn't agree more. It must also be nice to know that other people out there might be going through or have gone through similar situations, thoughts or feelings. So now, for you all, here is the secret I have been chosen to share:

I am a keeper of secrets.

My boyfriend knows a lot of my secrets. Things that I haven't told anyone else. But... quite honestly, there are a few things that I don't know if I can EVER share with anyone.

When I was thinking of what to write for my submission, I had a million ideas. Most of them were humorous, but as you will soon see, I chose the most serious topic of all.

I'm sharing a secret that I never thought I would share with ANYONE.

I'm sharing a secret with you that I can't even share with a therapist. With people that I know are safe. Because I have a hard time sharing it with myself.

Okay, here goes, as I keep reminding myself that this is anonymous.

My sister is a lesbian. Don't get me wrong: I am very liberal, and am not one to be ashamed of ANYONE who has not taken the straight way. Rather than opposite, actually. The thing is... She wasn't always.

She liked boys. Until she was sexually abused.

And I'm the only one who knows.

I'm the only person in the world that knows about her abuse. I don't know if she realizes that I remember her telling me about it when I was young (she's older than me), and it's not something we talk about, even though we are incredibly close in all other ways. I think that SHE has talked to others about it.

I know people will comment and say, "YOU SHOULD TELL SOMEONE. YOU OWE THAT TO YOUR SISTER AND SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE OUT THERE. YOU OWE IT TO HER, but it also represents something bigger than your situation."

It's not that easy, though. I'm sad to think about it. And I'm sad to share this secret with everyone.

It just shows that you never know what people are carrying around with them, and what has influenced who they have become.

I love you all!


  1. Your last sentence is so true.

    I do think you should tell a counsellor though, or encourage her too. She might not think it will do her any good, but I might do, and if it's a reputable counsellor, it won't make her any worse. :)

  2. it has to be her decision to make. it will be meaningless her speaking to someone about it, if she's not ready for help, if you get what i mean?

  3. That's a lot for you to carry around. Maybe you can talk with her about what you know? Just so that she knows that SOMEONE knows and that she isn't completely alone.

    -I survived BlogSecret '08

  4. I don't think you sould tell someone... except her. I'd have one of those sitdowns with her and say something like "I know what happened, I know you're hurting, I just want you to know whatever you want to do about it I'm here for you. If you never want to talk about it again, that's fine too, but I wanted to let you know if you ever do, now, a year from now, 20 years from now... I'm here for you."

    Then drop it and never speak of it again until she does. The ball is now in her court and she knows she's got some support if she wants it.

  5. You can't equate her lesbianism with the abuse. I was abused and didn't become a lesbian. And vice versa for most lesbians that I know. When you have your sit-down with your sister, regardless of how YOU feel about it, you'd better not tell her you think the two are connected or you won't get anywhere helping her recover from the abuse. Even if the connection - in your mind - is obvious. Your job is not to evaluate for her, or decide for her, it is to get her to decide to start being open about the abuse.

  6. It's awful that this happened to your sister, but it's something that maybe you should talk to her about. I'm not sure there's a correlation between her abuse and lesbianism, but even so, that isn't why you should talk to her about what happened to her, anyway. It's something that sounds like you also need to sort through. Just make sure you respect her privacy and boundaries if you do breach the topic, though.

  7. We affect those around us each and every day. And to not be sensitive to the fact that others have had very different experiences from us is a shame. I'm sorry to hear what your sister has experienced and I'm sorry you feel compelled to carry the weight of that secret.

  8. I too was abused. It was by another child, and probably far less severe than a lot of other people's situations, but it still haunts me. One time I brought it up with my own sister and it was so awkward. Your sister may be like me and may enjoy blocking that part out. I know it's not healthy this way...it's a tough spot to be in.

  9. What a heavy thing to make someone change their sexuality. I think others are right though.. only she can make the decisions surrounding it.

  10. It's her secret to share though. I mean, yes, you needed to get it off your chest, but the bottom line is that she has to decide to seek or not seek help for it. And if she's happy with her current sexuality, maybe bringing up the past will only make things worse in the now.

  11. It is her secret to share or not share. I'm sure she is just comforted by knowing that you know, and are able to just sit with it.

  12. "It just shows that you never know what people are carrying around with them, and what has influenced who they have become." --YES.

  13. Another tough secret to know. Yet alone this is a secret about your sister. It does have to be something she's willing to share. She's not alone in her feelings or experiences. Just make sure you leave the door open if she ever does want to chat, even if it's 15 years from now. Thanks for sharing.

  14. I've been saving this post in my blog reader until I have time to go around and read more of them. I Love this idea, wish I'd seen it in time to participate.


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