Because I'm still working full-time. I am hugely grateful to still have a job and one that I can do from home. But it is still what takes up my time and brain power and energy between 9 and 5:30 Monday to Friday.
I also have both boys at home. N's home too, so we're sharing the cooking and cleaning as always. We're also sharing supervising the boys' educational activities. We're trying to reach that balance between having a structure to the day and letting them just kind kind of get on with fun stuff. I'm sure everyone is doing this too. I don't for one second think I'm unique in anything I've written in this blog post.
I'm doing a qualification with a local college right now. It runs for a full academic year so will finish in June. Lessons switched from face-to-face to video calls every week. It's been nice to keep in touch with everyone but good god, it's been difficult trying to concentrate on writing assignments and juggling things like management concepts and 'assess four different contemporary external factors impacting on organisation's business and the HR function' right now. I don't want to give up on this course but I'm also just finding it hard to focus. Harvard referencing and report writing just don't really fit in to this world that has been changed so much.
There's also the significant portion of my day spent reading the news. I have taken to doom surfing quite a lot, looking at the numbers, keeping up to date on the latest guidelines, advice. Reading expert recommendations of how long this will last, reading about survivor stories. I check my temperature a lot, I keep track of how many times I've coughed. How many times N or the boys do. I've been sucked into every detail and sometimes I need to pull myself away before I break my heart every day.
I'm also addicted to the good stuff too. People doing nice things for others, the celebration of NHS workers, shop workers, delivery drivers, postal workers, cleaners, the police, and teachers amongst others. I can't get enough of this right now. I love looking at twitter and reading about personal stories too: the niceness of strangers, neighbours, friends. How we're all stuck at home on our own but we're also all in this together. All these stories restore my faith in humanity.
I don't know what I'm trying to say here. I think it's mostly just a reminder to myself that it's okay to do what I've been doing - which is the bare minimum. I do my work, I do my bit around the house, I check in with friends and loved ones, I open the Word document with my assignments due on them and at least try to make some progress. I also binge watched the first season of Riverdale on the weekend and there was no guilt whatsoever. It's okay to just get by right now.