My new year's resolutions

Happy New Year everyone! I do hope that 2011 brings you all you hope for and more.

Making New Year's resolutions has never been a regular occurrence. I always try to think of different things I'd like to see happen and change in a new year, but most resolutions fail, right? The ones I've made in the past have. So this year, my goals are a little different. And they're not just for 2011.

1. Be kind to myself - This one is first on my list for so many reasons. It's never been easy for me to look after myself. I carry so many self-destructive behaviours and thoughts and I really, really need to think more highly of myself. Treat myself better. I'm worth it.

2. When in need, ask for help - This has been a real problem for me, my entire life. When I was younger and struggling, I almost never thought to ask for help from those who cared about me. My family, my friends - I shut everyone out and suffered in silence. No more. I have a great network of people around me now and I have no excuse to not lean on other people for awhile if need be.

3. Be present - This one is mostly regarding my children. My Eldest is going full-time in primary school on Wednesday, it won't be long before my Littlest starts nursery for half-days. This time when they're little and I'm the centre of their universe won't last forever and I'm determined to provide them with happy memories.

4. Be kind to others - Remember my post about the lady with the umbrella who stopped to share with me while I was walking in the rain? After that happened, I promised myself that I would carry out random acts of kindness. It's so easy for me to float around in my own little world and not really listen to other people around me. I want to be a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, a better person. I'd like to do more to decrease world-suck around me. I've been very lucky in a lot of ways and not everyone is.

5. Be less afraid - When did it happen? When did I let fear rule so much of my life? It has to stop. I need to stop worrying about what other people will think of me. I'd like to break out and do scary things. Driving different places, putting myself in those awkward social situations that I worry about so much. Do something different and new and exciting. What's the worst that can happen?


And that's it for me. Wish me luck with my little list of resolutions! What're your New Year's resolutions? For your personal life? For your blog? For reading this year?

Oh, the changes

You probably haven't noticed, but I've set up a new structure for my blog posts. Did you notice that? Mondays being mini-review days. Tuesday and Thursday being dedicated reviews. Friday being a bookish discussion-type post. I only do IMMs every other Saturday to make room for another fun project I'm working on (Awesome Women!). Sundays are currently free. Which leaves Wednesdays, where I've decided to write about personal things. That said, here we go...

We've had a lot of changes around here, I'm finding it a little difficult to get used to. The biggest change, of course is that my oldest Boy is now going to primary school. He looks adorable and yet so grown-up in his uniform. It makes me weepy. I keep having flashbacks of holding him in the hospital just after he was born, now look at him. Luckily, he seems to be really enjoying it, but it is like pulling teeth trying to get him to talk about what he does at school everyday. Or who he plays with. Oh well.

(Another big change for me related to The Boy going to a different school, all the walking! I've just added an hour's walk to my life every single day. Phew.)


And because Littlest felt left out about how much growing up his big brother is doing, we decided to potty train the Littlest. Soon, I won't have any babies left. Only big boys. With no nappies. Oh I need a hug.

I've started a new university course. Lots of reading to do, even if the course isn't as long as my previous one. It's interesting. I've just read a chapter about stress and now we're discussing PTSD, which is something my dad suffers from. I'm finding it all very fascinating. Though it has been hard to ease back into the studying thing. I think the long summer holidays are a struggle. How do other people get used to it?

And! And! N and I decided to give up meat. We're more than 10 days into this new challenge and going strong, even after doing the hard thing and ordering meat-free dishes when we've been out in restaurants. I say 'meat-free' as opposed to vegetarian - because we still eat fish and dairy products and eggs. I feel a lot better about myself and can't see myself changing from this any time soon. I would have never thought it'd be something I could do, but I'm quite happily suprised by it!

So, that's it. How are things going for you? Any big changes recently?

A need for awesome women as role models

I was thinking the other day, that I never really had any strong women in my life to look up to. My mom left when I was pretty young, and it was just my dad and brother and me. I didn't have anyone to tell me important things about what to wear or how to act or what it means to be a confident young woman. Sometimes I feel like I still don't know these things.

In my teens, like a lot of people, I didn't like the way I looked. I didn't know how to behave in certain situations. The coping mechanisms that I chose were not very healthy. I had an eating disorder for many years. I went down a self-harm route. I became very depressed. I adopted a bad attitude with boys and when I did start dating, I was attracted to people all wrong for me and let others treat me badly. I didn't have anyone in my life to emulate, to think 'this person would never stand to be treated this way.' I didn't have anyone in my life to tell me that I looked OK, or that I was worth something. That the things happening to me weren't my fault.

When I fell pregnant the first time, I was very afraid of having a girl. I didn't want the responsibility and pressure of being some little girl's model of what it is to be a woman. Because I didn't feel like I'd done very well of it on my own. The very thought of raising a girl still terrifies me. What would I do?

It's been struggling my entire life to be a different, better and stronger person. Someone more adjusted and self-aware. Someone who can cope and deal with things, someone who keeps a level-head. Someone interested in learning. Someone who can ask for help. I want to be someone that I can be proud of. Someone my boys can be proud of.

I'm sorry that this post is all over the place, but I think having strong female role models and being aware of awesome women is something that's important to me and in my life. So I'm hoping that in the near future, I can share with you all some of the awesome women that I have found during this quest of mine.

I'd like to share some of my favourite female authors and fictional characters. I'd like to highlight some women from all areas of life - from athletes to politicians, women in entertainment, artists, scientists, human right's activists and historical figures. Women that I wish I'd known more about during my difficult teen period. I'd like it be a regular feature, maybe every other week?

Here's where I'd like your help. I will obviously be writing my own woman spotlights, but I would love it if people would like to write guest posts about highlighting your own favourite female author/s or fictional character or any awesome woman you can think of (though not family members/friends) and why these women are important to you, how they've influenced you. A list, if that's easier though I'd prefer it on an individual. Something about how that changed you or helped you in some way during your lifetime.

And authors: I would love to have interviews or guest posts from you about role models and which women you look up to both growing up and in the past.

Does that something you'd like to read about? Does that sound like something you'd like to a part of? Please comment with an email address below or send me a message. I'd love to hear from you.

Fat ticker Friday

I'm thrilled to have lost 2 pounds this week. I was thinking about why I want to lose this weight. Here's my list.



Health reasons, fairly obvious, yes - but if I make exercise a constant and consistent part of my life, than I think I will live longer and happier. And I can see my boys grow up and be happy. I want that.

To feel a sense of achievement. I give up too easily on a lot of things. And I've been telling myself that I need to lose weight for years and I've never had the strength or willpower before now to do anything about it.

To fit into my entire wardrobe. I've recently had to separate my closet into what I can wear, and what I cannot wear. Or at least not comfortably wear. I have maybe 10 tops which are capable of hiding my hips.

To feel better about myself. My self-esteem has never been great and my issues with weight are connected to my self-esteem in a big way. I need a bit of a boost in this area.

So, congratulations to me. 2.2 pounds is a big achievement for me this week. I think I'm going to hit my first stumbling block though, by overdoing the celebrations and putting back on the weight I've lost this weekend. We shall see.

The Summer of Me

I finally put batteries in my weight scales. I always knew I was overweight and I thought I roughly knew how much I weighed. It turns out I'm 10 pounds heavier than I thought I was. So in order to obtain a healthy BMI, I need to lose 20 pounds. So I've joined Christie's new challenge - The Summer of Me Weight Loss Challenge. I tried a different weight loss challenge earlier this year and failed miserably, but I think I'm ready now. Even though 20 pounds is my ultimate goal, I'm sticking with 10 pounds for now. No point killing myself and going too overboard.

On Monday, I officially began my weightloss regime, we'll call it. I walk at least half an hour everyday, usually uphill with a double pushchair. But to step it up further I've been using my long-neglected running machine and am aiming to buy a step aerobics DVD soonish and alternate between the two. I'll possibly check the loft for an old Yoga book I had once. I've cut out crap from my diet (goodbye KitKat Chunkys, we had a good thing going there for awhile) and this is really happening. I really will change my life by doing this. No more double-chins. No more 'god, how fat do I look in this' thoughts. I'm not happy with the way I look, I'm changing it. My life is in my hands. Come join me. We'll have fun doing it.

This is day three of my running. I know now why they say exercise can stave off low levels of depression. I feel great after I've run. And I get this crazy thoughts whilst running, like maybe I want to take the running to another level. Like a marathon. Not like the London marathon but like a 5K or whatever other smaller marathons that people do. I think I'd feel a real sense of accomplishment if I did something like that. We'll see. I think I need to get through a couple more weeks of consistent exercise before I start giving myself ideas.




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