Mothers

So it's Mother's Day. My first as an actual mom - it's nice, but it'll be much nicer once Boy is older and actually plays a part in the day. I just feel a little weird today, not because of him, but because I have mom issues anyway. And it's confusing now, because I've gotten back in touch with my mother.. we've only spoken on the phone once, and she sent some things for my son. But I don't think she's capable of having the conversation I need to hear to get past the past, and I'm still holding onto things I've done to her that I'm not proud of. It's hard to let go of something I've held onto for so long, even if it's something untrue - she does love me in her own way. I feel like I'm in a strange place with my relationship with her. I don't know where to go from here. There's so much bitterness and anger and guilt stored up with my feelings for her. What to do?