Wednesday, April 25, 2007


It's always been difficult for me to make friends.

My family moved around a lot when I was younger, and I had so many first days at a new school. I was always shy and awkward and I always waited for other children to come to me, and never the other way around.

Luckily in 8th grade through high school, I had some wonderful friends. I had some great times with them, and when I moved to England, a few of us still kept in touch. It'll never be the same as what it was, but it's nice to retain childhood friends. It's a reminder of who I once was, and a glimpse into the ways I've changed over the years. Recently, I've reconnected with old school friends as they're getting married and having their children, and I miss them...

In England, I found it difficult to make friends of my own. For years, my only friends were my husband's friends and I never felt more lonely. Gradually I made friends through work, and when I got pregnant, I made great friends during my antenatal classes. Our children were born within a month of each other, and we've all had different experiences and stories that we shared with each other. We met every single week at a coffee shop nearby and nattered away for hours.

Sadly, we moved 6 months ago. I hated the thought of moving away from the first real friends I had had since high school, but having children means that you put your children before yourself. This new place would offer better schools, a better environment, we'd have a larger family home for our meagre amount of money. And once again, I was lonely. It's so difficult to make friends in a new town. We sometimes go by and visit with our old friends, but it's such a different thing when there is so much distance between us, and the visits aren't regular and there's so much catching up to do. Those day-to-day details are lost.

I figured the best way to meet new people, is to put myself out there. Go to parent and toddler groups. Add a message to the Meet-a-mum message board on Netmums. It didn't really pay off. I tried the toddler groups just after we moved in. The moms all seemed fairly friendly, but nothing went deeper than small-talk. I rarely saw the same people twice, I wasn't really included in conversations. I stopped attending. As for netmums, I had a few emails. Met up once with another mom. Nothing came of it.

Last weekend, N and Elliot and I went to a barbecue. It was a mini-reunion of my antenatal class friends and their families. It was brilliant. It was great to catch up, but even better than that, was seeing how Elliot reacted to the other children. He is so social and friendly and not shy with other people AT ALL. I felt a little guilty that I hadn't tried harder with the toddler groups. I decided that the next week, I'd start going to toddler groups again.

It was worth it - I was invited to a coffee group which meets on Mondays and all the other mothers are really lovely people, friendly and chatty and all the children are only months apart. Everyone lives in the same neighbourhood. Already, I feel better, less alone. I have friends.


  1. It can be hard to make new friends. I think people are just more wary these days. It's almost like if you try to be friendly, they get suspicious! Glad you are doing some social things!

  2. Congrats on meeting people...


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