Monday, October 06, 2008

Happy belated birthday

I always seem to be a little down around this time of year, and this year I worked out why. It was my mother's birthday yesterday and every year at the end of September, start of October I'm unconsciously making the decision as to whether or not I should send a card or a letter, try to phone her and it makes me think of our bad history. This year I was feeling a little guilty.

She sent me a wonderful package earlier on in the year, and I phoned her afterwards. Even wrote her a letter (that I never sent). I told her on the phone of her upcoming grandson, but never told her that he arrived early but healthy. She doesn't know anything about her second grandson and I think she should. So I tried calling her. I looked in my notebooks, my address book, I went through the chat histories with my aunt. I went through old letters she had sent. I even went through my old phone bills, only to come up with four out of use telephone numbers and nothing current.

I am the type of person who writes important things on post-it notes only to use it as a bookmark and then return the book to the library. Or toss the scrap of paper in the bin without looking at it. I'd never had a problem with it before, but yesterday it made me a bit sad. It was a nice idea anyway.

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