Sunday, March 24, 2013

Whose death would you find most disturbing? (Book of Questions)

I picked up this book when I was 16 and I've used it as an ice-breaker for every major phase in my life from getting to know my new co-workers, getting to know new friends and even my (at the time!) soon-to-be husband.  Now, let US get to know each other! Are you ready?

Question 195: Of all the people close to you, whose death would you find most disturbing?

Sorry for this horrible question! I mostly chose this question to answer today because of what happened when I asked my friends when I was younger.

I was still in high school, so I couldn't have been any older than 16.  I had a rather large group of friends but I never really felt that I was particularly close to any of them.  There was a lot about myself and my life that I kept secret then and because of those secrets, I held myself apart from most people.  There was one particular girl who I envied a lot.  She had so much that I wanted then - supportive family and friends, a purpose in her life, the dedication and drive that would allow her to meet her goals and dreams and a place to belong.  And when I read aloud this question from this book, she thought about it only for a few seconds and then answered that *I* would be the person whose death would be most disturbing for her.

Her answer was based in her religious beliefs, but I don't think that matters.  What matters was how I felt in that moment and how I still feel about it now.  In that moment when I heard my friend's answer, I felt a connection that I hadn't felt before between her and me.  And that connection meant so much to me both then and now.

It's a wonderful feeling, to feel that I mattered to somebody else.  That I am important and loved.  I wish I felt more of that throughout my younger life.

My answer to this question is, of course, my children. The thought of anything happening to either of them is devastating to me and my heart will always go out to the men and women, for whatever reason, have lost a child.

Whose death would you find most disturbing?


  1. This brought tears to my eyes! This book has so many, deep meaningful questions. I am lucky enough to not experience anyone close to me die before and I am dreading the time when it comes. I think I would be most distraught if one of my family members died. Thanks for sharing this with us, Clover :)

    1. You're welcome, Zoe. I'm glad that you haven't experienced death as yet. I was 7 when my grandmother died but we weren't really close. A friend's mother died when I was about your age and I found that really difficult because of the way she died.

      I think I was in my 20s when my first close family death happened. My uncle passed away from a brain tumour and then a few years ago my aunt passed. My aunt was closer to me than my own mother so I still find it difficult to accept that she's no longer here.

  2. This is such a lovely, moving post Clover, thank you for it! My answer would be one of my parents or a sibling. :(

    1. It's a very difficult question, and hard to think about, isn't it?

  3. This is a very difficult question indeed. I would probably find my Nana's death (especially as it may happen soone than I am ready for as she is not getting any younger) or my parents/siblings and partners death the most disturbing.
    I haven't had anyone close to me pass away yet (which is very lucky at 24 yrs old!) so this is actually something I have thought about a lot of recent years. Lets hope I'm not introduced to the emotions that come with close ones passing away anytime soon x

  4. Wow, anybody in my family for sure. I may not be on good terms with them at all times, but no doubt if I didn’t have them in my life, I would fall to pieces. God forbid any of their lives to come to an end.


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