Question 195: Of all the people close to you, whose death would you find most disturbing?
Sorry for this horrible question! I mostly chose this question to answer today because of what happened when I asked my friends when I was younger.
I was still in high school, so I couldn't have been any older than 16. I had a rather large group of friends but I never really felt that I was particularly close to any of them. There was a lot about myself and my life that I kept secret then and because of those secrets, I held myself apart from most people. There was one particular girl who I envied a lot. She had so much that I wanted then - supportive family and friends, a purpose in her life, the dedication and drive that would allow her to meet her goals and dreams and a place to belong. And when I read aloud this question from this book, she thought about it only for a few seconds and then answered that *I* would be the person whose death would be most disturbing for her.
Her answer was based in her religious beliefs, but I don't think that matters. What matters was how I felt in that moment and how I still feel about it now. In that moment when I heard my friend's answer, I felt a connection that I hadn't felt before between her and me. And that connection meant so much to me both then and now.
It's a wonderful feeling, to feel that I mattered to somebody else. That I am important and loved. I wish I felt more of that throughout my younger life.
My answer to this question is, of course, my children. The thought of anything happening to either of them is devastating to me and my heart will always go out to the men and women, for whatever reason, have lost a child.
Whose death would you find most disturbing?