I don't know what originally made me think of it but lately I've been thinking of things that I'll never do again. Perhaps it was compiling the list of things I'd like to do before a certain age? I'm not sure. Either way, it's been on my mind lately and while at times I think of these things in some sort of sad way I've reached a point now where I'm okay with all of this.
My life seems very different to most people's, or at least that's how it seemed as I reached adulthood. I grew up very quickly and in response I made choices that went against what was expected of me. I feel like I did everything early, got married, had children, tied myself into a mortgage and with all these extra responsibilities, I never really had that chance to do typical things that a person in their 20s might do.
(I'm skipping over things like eating horrible things or touching horrible things, doing scary things or wearing animal print. While these things are definitely things I'll never do, that's not what this list is about!)
While there are some things that I hoped to do when I was much younger (road trip across the US, backpack in Europe ... other travel-related things!) I still feel like I can do those things no matter what my age or circumstance. Here are some things that I'm not so sure about...
Go off to university
This is has been the hardest thing to miss out on. As I've been struggling this past week with completing a university assignment with the OU, without any help and without understanding the main section of it, I cried. I thought of how much easier this all might be to me if I'd gone down the path of actually going to a university instead of doing it all by distance learning. The help that I would have better access to if only I knew the other people on my course, if I had someone to talk to about it, to bounce ideas off of. I get a glimpse of it every now and again when I'm at a tutorial and especially when my courses require attending a residential school for a week. And all of that socialising and spending time with other students makes me realise what I've missed.
Have a one-night stand
When I was writing a list of things I wanted to do before a certain age, I did look at some of those lists that people compile everywhere. Some are specific to age groups, some are specific to getting married. Most contain 'have a one-night stand' I can't honestly say that it was ever something that appealed to me, mostly because of my low self-esteem and needy tendencies! I've never done it. Should I have?
Somehow I skipped right over this. I moved out of my family home when I was 17. I immediately moved in with N. We got married, not long after we took out a mortgage on our first house. I was 20 at the time. In all my 30 years, I've never lived on my own. It must be an experience, living without someone else's company or noise. Relying on nobody else but yourself to do things and make decisions. I can see the appeal of living alone.
Have dodgy roommates
I read about this all the time in books and see it in film and TV. There are weird roommates everywhere. I secretly think that perhaps it would ME that would end up being the weird roommate with the strange habits and behaviours. The one the main character has to deal with and the one that she complains about to her friends. I think this makes my list because it ties in a bit to the university experience. Going to a proper uni might have meant rooming with some random and I like the idea of that. The unknown.
I've mentioned it before but perhaps not recently. I don't drink alcohol. I'm not against a sip every now and again to taste some new drink, but that's as far as it goes. It's been drilled into me from an early age that alcoholism is something that runs in my family. I'm self-aware enough to know that I have a very addictive personality and poor coping mechanisms, so I've avoided drinking at all costs. I think the only aspect of drinking that I miss is that most people do it as a social event. Going out with friends, getting drunk, doing silly things together and having that shared experience. It definitely isn't enough to tempt me.
Is there anything that you feel like you'll never do?