I know I haven't been around much lately... and again, I'm not going to apologise. It's been difficult lately. For so many reasons. I was going to write a much different post than this one tonight but in the end, this felt like what I needed to write. Stick with me.
Reason Number 1)
Summer was pretty hard to manage. At times I wanted to read more, blog more, film and edit more videos and instead of doing any of that, so much of my time was spent out with the boys. We did so many things this summer. We went to theme parks (of course we did) we went to the park and rode bikes and played basketball and tennis. We walked for miles in the woods, around lakes. We played Pokemon, we drew and painted and (they) read books and made forts and watched films. We laughed and had fun.
And I don't regret one second of that. Even if it meant the entire summer went by and I hardly read but a few books. Life is too short, and E and The Littlest won't always want to spend this time with me, you know? I'm making the most of it now.
Reason Number 2)
But it wasn't just the summer either. In early July, I read the most incredible book, Paper Butterflies by Lisa Heathfield (I've already written a review of it and posted that recently!) and it was just so emotional and I felt very ...involved in June's story and her experiences and I was left so wrung out after reading it that I just couldn't bring myself to pick up another book for absolutely ages after that. Don't you just love books like that? I do. One of those books where it just obliterates me ... it makes me want to either hug the book closer to me and read it again or pass it onto someone else so that her heart can be crushed the same as mine. Or worse. I love passing that emotion along!
But it wasn't even just that.
Reason Number 3)
I'm just not in that place where I'm in love with reading anymore. I don't know what it is. I mean, I sort of do. Things are shitty with my dad, with the family I grew up in. I'm in a weird place in my life right now. And all of that has had a severe blow to my mental health which prevents me from doing things I love.
But what's the hardest for me right now is that through everything in my life, I've always had books to turn to. Books and stories have always been there for me to help distract and entertain me, they've always been there for me to escape into. And for some reason, that outlet has been missing for awhile. I've tried shaking things up. Reading different styles and genres and formats. And that's had mild success. The poetry, the non-fiction.
So, what's next?
I know I shouldn't put pressure on myself. I shouldn't force the issue of me not reading. I know that. But ... I want to be reading again. It's been too long now. At the start of this more-than-year-long-reading-slump I was thinking 'yay, this will be good for me' because it made me examine my identity. It made me work out who I am when I'm not reading, when I'm not blogging or booktubing. I had a real identity crisis for awhile. And before it was always just there. It was always something in my life that I never questioned or considered. And now I have. And now I choose to be a reader. I choose to be a book blogger and booktuber. I choose to be part of this community again. I don't think it'll happen over night, but my plan is to find my way back to those things again. I realise they might not ever be exactly like they were before, but that's okay. I'm not the person I was before. But hopefully I'll figure it out as I go along.
And to get there, I've downloaded three books onto my Kindle that I think will help me back into the place of being a reader and blogger again. I've chosen three books that I am SUPER excited about, books that I hope will make me addicted to reading again and I hope soon I'll share my progress with you again.
Just to be held accountable, here are the three books up next on my TBR: Witch's Pyre by Josephine Angelini, which is the third book in the Worldwalker trilogy which has had me absolutely gripped! I love the worlds Josephine Angelini has created, the characters and the relationships. The ending of book two left me desperate to read the next book and when I realised in my blogging malaise I'd somehow missed the release of this book I was super shocked and disappointed. I'm currently reading this and whew, I'm sucked in already.
I've also downloaded the new one by Rachel Vincent, The Flame Never Dies, the follow-up to The Stars Never Rise, which was a book that left me breathless with excitement. Rachel Vincent really knows how to tell a fast-paced, emotional, addictive story and I cannot wait to see where she takes me with this book.
And the third and final book is Haunt Me by Liz Kessler. I adore Liz just in general and loved a previous book of hers, Read Me Like A Book. So I'm excited to read more by her. Special bonus is the addition of the importance of poetry into this story of what I can only assume is a love story involving ghosts? I don't know? Don't care either. Without knowing anything about it except Liz Kessler and poetry, I'm already sold.
So there you have it! I look forward to being part of this community again. Thank you for all your support.