100 Things

1. My mom named me: Michelle Nicole
2. I couldn't hate this name anymore than I do
3. There were always at least three Michelles in my class at school
4. And there were all more popular than me, so whenever someone yelled 'Michelle!' down the hall, I'd turn and look, and it wasn't for me
5. In the end, I ended up telling everyone my name was actually 'Rochelle' instead
6. This is the name my dad would have chosen for me, if he'd had the chance
7. My dad didn't 'meet' me until I was a few months old
8. When my mom was still pregnant with me she was on her way to Alaska (from Texas) and her waters broke and she had to have an emergency C-section in Seattle instead
9. I was premature and had to be in an incubator
10. I only weighed 4 pounds
11. My parents are strange - they were together for 11 years before they got married
12. They got divorced three months later
13. My dad said all that happened so he could get custody of my older, half-brother David
14. I come from a long line of alcoholics
15. In Alaska, on my birthday, the sun never sets
16. My dad was a stay at home single father
17. He was always there to drive me to soccer practice
18. Or swimming practice, softball, basketball, or track
19. A lot of times growing up, I hated that fact
20. But now I appreciate that I was quite lucky to have my dad around so much
21. We moved around constantly, from Alaska, California, Texas, Wyoming and then finally three different places in Oregon
22. Eugene, Oregon is where I consider 'home' in America
23. My dad was afraid of flying because of Vietnam, so we drove everywhere
24. When I was 4, we took our longest road trip as a family - from Juneau, Alaska to Caracas, Venezuela
25. My earliest memory is bashing my brother over the head with a massive yellow Tonka truck
26. But I have a terrible memory otherwise and can remember little of the rest of my young childhood
27. I taught myself to read after memorizing the words of my favourite book that my dad read to me every night
28. Since then, I've never been without a book
29. When my parents were arguing before their divorce, I'd hide in my books
30. I still do, to escape from reality
31. Everyone had great expectations for me because I scored in the 99% tile in the national testings and was the only student in my district to qualify for Talented and Gifted classes for Maths, Science and English
32. But I still dropped out of high school
33. And wanted to kill myself
34. And had an eating disorder that my dad never knew about
35. I'm still hurt and angry that he never noticed how unhappy I was
36. My unhappiness is part of the reason that I turned to the Internet
37. I told all my high school friends that I'd never get married
38. But I got married 4 months after my 18th birthday
39. And I've never been happier
40. I've only had three jobs in my life
41. Unless you count those few times when I babysat a neighbour's child
42. But I was a terrible babysitter because I kept giving him soda to stop his whining and kept him up too late
43. I only got my first job at Arby's (the roast beef sandwich fast food place) because the owner thought I was 18 and would be old enough to operate the slicer
44. This was because I'd already started classes at a community college, but was only 16
45. Everyday I'd go home smelling of grease
46. I ate fast food for over a year for lunch and dinner just to stay out of the house
47. I had to leave for work almost an hour early even though it only took 10 minutes on the bus
48. But something happens to me in moving vehicles, I almost always fell asleep and missed my stop and had to get another bus back
49. I still can't safely take the bus in case I fall asleep
50. I've worn glasses since before I was 3 years old
51. This is because of my 'lazy-eye'
52. Which got me into so much trouble when my dad or teachers thought I wasn't looking at them
53. When I really was
54. Technically, I don't need to wear glasses anymore
55. But I still wear them, because I like to hide behind them
56. I was picked on quite a lot in school
57. Until people realised I was David's little sister
58. It comes in handy having an older brother
59. Except when all the girls come up to me to tell me how cute they think he is, like this is a topic they think I'd like to discuss with them
60. I moved to a different school to escape said girls
61. I moved to another continent to get married
62. I met my husband online
63. We spoke for the first time online on the 4th December 1998
64. We met face-to-face for the first time on the 10th December 1999
65. We got married on the 2nd December 2000
66. Five years later, our first child was expected on 4th December 2005
67. The most important person in the world to me is my son
68. I'd do anything for him
69. But I'm afraid I'll mess him up psychologically
70. Because of what I went through with my mother
71. Which I don't feel comfortable talking about
72. I'm afraid of so many things
73. Not just ordinary things like snakes or public-speaking
74. But of success, as well as failure - if that makes sense
75. My lack of self-esteem holds me back
76. And so does all my fear
77. But I'm trying to change this, slowly
78. One of the ways is through this blog
79. My favourite colour is gray
80. I want to learn how to bake loads of delicious goodies
81. Because dessert is the only food I really enjoy
82. I'm quite a fussy eater and won't eat many foods
83. Though recently I've found out that some foods are actually nice even though I've sworn forever to hate them
84. I hate making decisions
85. I would love to be a published writer
86. Of young adult books ideally
87. Because that it what I enjoy reading the most
88. In my last job, I looked after the children's section in a bookstore
89. I loved my job so much
90. I still worry that who ever is looking after my section isn't doing it properly
91. I love watching movies that involve dancing, even if they're tacky
92. I have a very addictive personality
93. And I put lots of sentimental value on inanimate objects and find it hard to get rid of things
94. I collect Eeyores
95. I've had bad luck with pets in the past
96. I was cautioned by the police because I broke into a house to save a starving dog
97. I have a large collection of 'dress-up' hats
98. People get confused by my accent
99. I have ugly feet
100. I feel incredibly lucky to be a stay at home right now and to be able to watch my son learn new things everyday