Friday, November 03, 2006


A few weeks ago I sent in my month's notice at Books Etc. I'm not sure why it took so long, I knew before Elliot was born that I wouldn't go back to work there. But I still held on and sent in my notice only at the last minute. It wasn't me being spiteful; I really enjoyed my job for the most part. And now I have reason to wish it back. I need the security of a good job right now. Let me start at the beginning.

When I was younger, my teachers and parents (actually just my dad) would rave about my potential, how I would do great things. I was always reading, I enjoyed studying and that whole sponge analogy would pop up everywhere. I did well in school, got the best grades, and scored high in national tests. I joined talented and gifted classes and asked to go to summer school for my birthday. My dad tried to steer me towards becoming a lawyer, like he wanted to be before he was injured in Vietnam, I never argued. Then my parents got married and quickly got divorced. My family had never been overly stable, but this was a huge deal to me. It was a terrible time in my life and I was stuck in the crossfire. I became depressed, anorexic. My grades fell; I dropped out of the sports teams I was on. When high school came around, I started ditching classes, spending a lot of time in chat rooms. After three years, I dropped out of high school altogether. I got my GED, started classes at a community college, and again didn’t do very well and didn’t carry on and instead went into full time employment. A few years after I moved here to England, I decided I wanted my degree finally. I thought I’d study Literature and then try and work in a publishing house in London. I did OK for two years, but halfway through my second year, I thought maybe this wasn’t the direction I should be heading in. I wasn’t sure about studying literature anymore, maybe I needed a more practical degree that which would allow me to branch out into different areas.

I remembered that my dad had always mentioned being a lawyer; I’d had a few friends who had studied law. I thought I’d be good at it; maybe law was the best decision for me. I changed my study path – and now here I am two years later. I haven’t actually talked to anyone aside from my husband about these last two years. I just feel … ashamed, mostly. Also embarrassed about where I am in my life. Last year I did reasonably well in my law assignments… but failed my exam. I could have done a re-sit earlier this year, but I deferred because of personal problems. I was feeling quite depressed and was prescribed anti-depressants around February. Because of this, I took this year off from my law course. I’m better now, and I never actually took the pills. I thought that by the time my re-sit in October, I’d have done loads of studying, and would ace the exam. But with the move, and Elliot – I didn’t study as much as I should have, but I think I would have passed. The thing is, I wrote down the wrong date and missed the exam entirely. All the work I’d done had gone to waste.

I don’t know what to do. I know I don’t always want to work in an unskilled thankless shop-work job my entire life. But where do I go now?


  1. As always, persistence is the key. You seem to have persistence; however, your temporary mix-up may have set you back. There's nothing you can do about that, except move forward. I've found, that if you truly want something bad enough, then you'll keep trying for it (no matter how many times you fail).

  2. Can you speak to someone at the school, a counselor or something? They might have a few courses of action for you.

    Best of luck in this, Michelle.

  3. Wow what a story. I agree with Gina, talk to the school or a counselor to see what they have to say....

  4. hey, keep going! This is just a tempoary set back, you'll get there I know You will :-)


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