Can I just say, Happy Valentine's Day everybody! Thanks for supporting my Love month so wonderfully so far!
Today I have a very special treat for you, one of my absolutely favourite bloggers ever, Carly from Writing from the Tub, is here today talking about love. How the fantasy of love from films in particular is very different from realistic, everyday love. I couldn't agree any more than I do!
To find out more about the lovely Carly, please do visit the following websites:
Have any of you guys seen the Facebook group ‘Disney movies gave me unrealistic expectations of love’? Maybe some of you are members – I know I am. I couldn’t agree with that statement more and I think it’s safe to bet that at least some of you can see my point.
What do we know about love is we look at (the majority of) books and films? Well, the love of our live is absolutely gorgeous, naturally. Even if they weren’t always so attractive they underwent a transformation over the course of a single summer and emerged, like a butterfly from a cocoon, breathtaking. Because, you know, only girls with voluminous hair and straight teeth and guys with razorblade cheekbones and six packs fall in love.
Off topic – Disney definitely gave me unrealistic hair expectations.
So, once you’ve found your prince or princess, well, life from then on will take place only in music montages, while you have amazing sex in a four poster bed, walk hand in hand along a deserted beach and wake up in each other’s arms, looking radiant and well-lit at all times. Of course, if either of you wear make up it will never, ever smudge, run or actually be removed at any point during your relationship.
The gifts your significant other gives you will be grandiose and elaborate; in honour of your third date they’ll build you a glass fronted shoe closet to hold the 300 pairs of designer shoes you own. Or maybe they’ll buy you a yacht and name is after you. If your movie has a particularly big budget you might even get an island!
You won’t ever argue, well, except for the one epic fight that will seal the deal on your relationship. It will probably take place in the rain, be caused by an easily resolved misunderstanding and end with your significant other chasing you down the street screaming, ‘I LOVE YOU’. Then you’ll turn around in slow motion, kiss in the rain and the clouds will part, signalling the beginning of sixty years of bliss together. Unless your love story was written by Nicholas Sparks, in which case one of you will probably die at too young an age, very tragically.
That’s how everything’s love life goes, right? Right? Wrong.
As romantic and all-encompassing Hollywood love might be, that’s not really how it works in the real world, is it? And that’s what I want to talk about today, real love vs. Hollywood love. Because real love isn’t about perfect hair and custom-designed shoe closets. Real love is a thousand tiny gestures and quirks that are unique to every relationship. Real love is the things nobody else would notice, or maybe even understand, but the words, the moments that catch you off guard and make you sit back and think, ‘bloody hell, I love you.’
Real love is your significant other giving you the bigger piece of chocolate. Real love is giving up an umbrella to keep the one you love dry. It’s seeing their favourite programme in the TV guide and setting it up to record so they don’t miss it. It’s never going to bed on an argument. It’s accepting their faults and flaws and maybe loving them even more because of them.
It’s doing the housework because you know they’ve had a stressful day. It’s remembering birthdays and anniversaries and quietly celebrating all those little relationship landmarks that seem so insignificant to anybody else, I’m talking ‘Happy one year since we survived our first trip to Ikea’.
Saying that, real love is definitely making is through an Ikea trip without your relationship crumbling around you in the car park when you realise that it’s not all going to fit, however many times you try to cram the Billy bookcase into a space that just isn’t there. If you look at each other, laugh and go and get a couple of 50p hot dogs, well, you’re pretty much soul mates in my eyes.
Real love is at least pretending to be interested in their twenty minute debate about football or photography or what’s better in YA, angels or zombies? (Answer: Neither. Unicorns all the way, people)
I guess what I’m saying is that Hollywood love looks amazing on screen but real love is just that, real. It’s that one person who will always be there for you, who you know will look out for you, unconditionally. It’s definitely not perfect; you’ll drive each other up the wall and every now and then they’ll enrage you to the point you question why you’re with them but you’ll get through it, you’ll talk it out and you’ll emerge from adversity an even stronger team.
I still go to bed most nights wondering what on earth I did to deserve such a patient, kind, thoughtful person in my life… Then he’ll start snoring and ruin my internal monologue. But secretly, though I’d never tell him, I absolutely wouldn’t have it any other way.