I'm not sad all the time. Just sometimes. It helps that he knew how I felt about him and I knew how he felt about me. We both just knew and that knowledge brings me some sense of peace. I often wonder what he'd think about my decisions, about my life. I know he'd be proud of me, even if he might not always agree. He was always so proud of me. And N and the boys and couldn't hear enough stories and details of our life together. I miss him. Quite a lot.
Tonight I ate carrot cake as my small little way to celebrate his life and in my head I can just hear him biting into some really good food, closing his eyes and saying 'mmm, to die for' in this booming voice. My memories of him are all around me and today I needed those reminders.