I've been watching a lot of Joan of Arcadia lately since N found out it was showing at 2 or 3 in the mornings on Sky. I'd watched a few episodes before, and it looked good - so I was quite excited (I'm sad and my world is small, this is an exciting thing) and I've been loving it. I think I'd love most anything with a good family dynamic though, because it reminds me of what I didn't have. I have cried on more than one occasion :) It got me to thinking of religion though.
Our household growing up was never a religious one. My dad told me later that he wanted my brother and I to figure out on our own what we did and didn't believe in. We only went to church once or twice, and I felt awkward being there. A lot of my friends in high school were big on their faith, and I went to a few church gatherings and bible studies, but again it didn't really feel right. I dabbled with some alternative beliefs as a teenager, but that didn't stick either. It wasn't really until I moved here that going to church or a specific religion became a part of my life. N is Catholic and it was important to him to get married in the Catholic church. I liked the idea because it seemed more romantic than a registry wedding, so I went ahead with it, but he and I both sort of felt guilty if we didn't continue going to church. So off and on we'd go to church and I enjoyed it. I felt part of a community and joined in more. Then Elliot came along and I began to pray, mostly for his safety. Again, it was important to my husband (and his family) that the little boy be christened. A friend of my mother-in-law made some comment about Elliot not being allowed to be christened or accepted into the Catholic church because I'm not a Catholic. I didn't find out until later, and we no longer speak to this particular woman, but it got me to thinking. Since my son was born, it feels like I have a faith in God that I didn't have before. I wanted to join classes at the church for me to baptised at a later stage, and I felt good about it. Almost excited. But then we moved. And now our local Catholic church is really hard to get to, and the masses are at times that conflict with Elliot's feeding and napping schedules. We haven't once tried to go to mass in over two months. I don't know how I'd feel about the new priest and I wonder if I'd still consider looking into being baptised. Maybe I'm just uncomfortable with change.
It's hard. That's all I've got. I have the same struggles.ReplyDelete
Honestly, don't beat yourself up about not going to church. Many families with young babies do not take them until they are older and able to sit through a Mass without squirming too badly. Or some parishes have Children's Masses, but I think he is still much too young.ReplyDelete
Every church we went to before we were married wouldn't marry us because I had never been baptised. So there I was at the age of 22 getting baptised so I could get married. My three children are all baptised and it's only because I never wanted them to have those 'pitiful' looks thrown their way. I am now 42 years old, have been looking for a church that isn't all about money for years now, and realize I may never find the right church for me. Not having a church to go to doesn't stop me from praying though :o) Great blog!ReplyDelete