Monday, March 19, 2007

My Missing Posts

I know I've been a bit MIA around here, I'm sorry for that. Because I have continued to blog over the last week or so, just not on here. I've been blogging on my myspace page because I can't post the link to this blog on there (too many posts here re: my family and my friends list on myspace include my brother and a close cousin) But here are the missing posts, with the most recent at the top.

What should I read next?

What I loved so much about working in a bookstore, was all the feedback I'd get about new books, books to try next, favourite books. I loved finding books in common with people, and I do miss is talking about books with other people. So maybe you can help me out. I've a huge stack of books on my to be read pile (actually a random selection), and I don't know which book to read next.. so if you have any thoughts on them, please let me know, or if you don't have any comments on my list of books, recommend me something else, I promise I'll give it a go (unless you recommend Dan Brown, which I will not consider) Here we go...

Yes Man by Danny Wallace

Wild Swans by Jung Chang

The Colour by Rose Tremain

The Dead Father's Club by Matt Haig

Bad Kitty by Michele Jaffe

Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell

We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver

The Story of Lucy Gault by William Trevor

In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner

Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer

Please, please, please help me out! (somewhat strangely there is a huge lack of children's books on that list, I am shocked!)


There have been so many changes in this house over the last few weeks. We've only just nearly finished the mini-projects that needed to be done since we moved into this house (six months ago). The computer room has been rearranged, shelves have been put up, the new windows were installed this morning. The dining room has changed, we've got a new and beautiful photo of Elliot over the fireplace finally, new curtains in Boy's room, the garage has been partially emptied.

But the biggest and most difficult change to adjust to, as of tonight, Elliot will no longer sleep in our room. We were kind of dragging our feet about this decision and put it off probably a year longer than we should have, but we always had a reason for Elliot to stay close to us. He's still adjusting to the new house, he hasn't slept through the night on his own yet, he's been ill, we'll wait until after the windows have been done. The cotbed needed to be taken apart and reassembled in his room, and we were always out, or tired or busy to finally get it out of our room.

Until today. Today it was done, and there's no going back. Our little boy is not so little anymore. I'll miss him. Our room looks strange and empty and too spacious now. His room looks gorgeous with the new blue walls, and the outer space border and spaceship stickers. At least he has the best room in the house.

I don't like this one bit.

We have people in our house at the moment, replacing our windows. The old windows were old and grotty looking, wooden with mould growing in parts. And when they leave, we should have shiny new PVC windows, but I'm not liking this. The house is usually just how I like it, it might not always be spotlessly clean, but at least everything is in its right spot. Everything has its own place, and I can find everything I need (with the exception of the garage, but I've still organised what I can out there) and at the moment, we have curtains everywhere, my window boxes with my pretty flowers are in the middle of the lawn, my bookshelf is littered with bits and pieces in the hallway, the beds are all pushed against walls and I don't like this. I don't like my house like this!

You know what ELSE I miss?

After friends, family, my familiarity of my hometown where I have all my memories, you know what I miss? This is going to sound stupid, but American sweets. Seriously. You just can't get really good 'candy' over here. I miss Butterfinger, and Bit-o-Honey. I miss Welch's grape soda, root beer (Mug or A&W, I'm not picky), Mountain Dew. I want to try Jelly Belly sport beans (whatever they are). I miss tootsie rolls, and Hershey kisses and sour apple Laffy Taffy. And Airheads. I would kill for a multi-pack of Airheads with the mystery flavour.

I need to get out of this house...

..and to do that, I think I need a hobby. Something that doesn't involve the computer, or TV or books. But maybe something that does, but still gets me out of the house. I was thinking maybe an evening class in oh, I don't know martial arts or something crafty. Photography or a cooking class. Or something entirely different. Anything really.

What I actually need is a job, something that will allow me to have adult conversation during the day. Or I could always make up my mind to finish my degree. I'm a third through it and gave up. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I thought if I requested a course prospectus and then highlighted all the classes I'd be interested in taking and then see what type of degree I'd get by taking those courses I'd be a step closer to finding out what I'm meant to do with my life. The results? Something involving children's studies (which would mean further education after my degree) or a degree in health and social care. The both sound .. nice and I'd like to do something that would make a difference in someone's life, but to be honest, I can't see what type of jobs or a career I could make for myself with either of those degrees.

Any suggestions are encouraged and welcomed about hobbies or my career path. Thanks.

Workout (It's boring, but I enjoyed myself)

I had my first workout on our new treadmill today. It was sheer brilliance. If I thought I could handle more without burning out, I'd still be on it, running away. Who'd have known? :) I've never been a big fan of exercise, which is probably why I've had all that extra weight for as long as I can remember. I've always been on the chubby side, or at least that's how I've always felt. But this year (like most years, granted) my New Year's resolution (one of them anyway) was to lose that 15 pounds hugging my stomach, hips, ass and thighs. I bought the cutest belt dress in the Christmas sale, but it looks rotten with my chunky hips, so at least I have a goal. Anyway, N and I both agreed we have to do more exercise so we can be around when Boy is older, so we bought a Reebook I-run last week. We only got it all set up a few days ago, but I hadn't used it until today. Like I said, I'm not a big fan of the exercise. But I am determined and also, I've heard forms of light exercise help alleviate minor depression, so that's always a plus. Now remember I'm a lazy couch potato, but I set my goal at 15 minutes. (including warm up and cool down) and I loved every single minute of it! I'm now looking forward to Boy's naptimes (the only chance I get during weekdays for running) and setting little goals for myself. Wish me luck guys.

Being a Parent is Hard and Eventful!

Elliot fell today. We were waiting for N to pick us up to do some shopping, and I thought Elliot would enjoy running around in the front garden. He got so excited running back and forth he tripped on his own feet, fell, and scraped his head and cheek on the pavement. My poor baby. It occurred to me then (as it always does whenever he hurts himself) that there's not a lot I can do to protect him from life's scratches, bumps, bruises. I'm in for a lifetime of worrying.

On another note, he's starting early, chasing the girls. We went shopping for curtains for Elliot's room. There was a little girl in the curtain shop, slightly older than Elliot, maybe 2. Elliot saw her and immediately wanted to go up to her and say hello (as he does, he's such a friendly child)! She was a bit shy, but Elliot constantly followed her, once opening his arms wide and actually running after her. She quickly hid behind her mom's leg. He's going to be a heartbreaker, one of these days...

You ever get one of those headaches from crying too much?

I have one at the moment. It's not very pleasant, because I find that painkillers just don't help at all in times like these. After I started crying it actually took me quite a long time before I realised what was bothering me. Is that normal for other people? It happens to me all the time, I am so not in touch with what I'm feeling and why. But it did occur to me, finally, what it is - loneliness. It's part of the reason I've become such an addict and slave to myspace. It may be a slim connection to human life, but I'll take what I can get. Don't get me wrong, I have a loving, supportive husband, and a beautiful son. In so many ways I'm incredibly lucky. But I'm also so alone. My husband works long hours, all my family live back in America, and I don't have a single friend within a 30 mile radius that I can talk to. So, I have internet friends. Who don't really know me. Who have never seen me cry, who don't really know what I'm going through, and who really aren't enough. I hope I don't sound whiny or ungrateful. I just needed to get that out.


  1. wow seems like you been busy. I could comment on everything you wrote, but the one that sticks with me is being lonely. I know am just an internet friend, but I understand. I am always up for girl talk, I'm just an email away. ((hugs))

  2. The only book I've read that's on your list is In Her Shoes. It was okay. A little slow in the beginning but became more interesting the more I read. I never did see the movie.

  3. Get used to the tripping and falling. My boys always seem to have some sort of injury on them.

    I wish I could help you with the school thing but I did not discover what I want to be when I grow up until recently. Once the kids get older I want to go into nursing. Through dealing with Evan;s health issues I have discovered that I really like the whole nursing gig and I have seen it at it's worst so I know what I am getting into.

    You may try and look into joining a mother's group. I have a great group of mom friends and we do not always meet with the kids around so there is ample chance at adult conversation.

  4. first off, {virtual hug}...there, feel a lil better now?

    Now for books...i just finished reading The curious incident of the dog in the nightime (HI-larious!) and The Devil Wears Prada (it made me tense). I have no clue what any of the books you listed are about, so i'd say read Bad Kitty, just because i like kittehs.

    Getting out...are you part of a church? maybe a bible study group would be nice. or maybe you could find a book club to join. cooking classes sound like fun too.

    Working a pain! unless i go to our pilates sessions and have someone force me to work out, i wouldn't do it. i think the instructer gets a sick sense of enjoyment out of watching all of us suffer through it...and i'm still in the beginner classes.

    Crying...sometimes you need to do it to find out whats really wrong. let the tears take you to that place in your heart where the pain is. there's good crying and bad crying. Good crying is for healing, bad crying is when you're just feeling sorry for yourself. Sounds like you had a great cry :) Have you read Captivating by Staci Eldridge? You'd be suprised by how many women out there are going through the same thing you are. I was and still am. I'm just an email away if you eva need a shoulder.

  5. Oh honey, I have just found you via Flatline betty and was going through your site when I saw this post. I TOTALLY understand. Although I have it easier than you (I am at least still in the States) I have recently moved and lost all my family,friends in the area. I now live where we have no family and I have no friends. I know how hard it is and frankly, I am addicted to my email, bloglines and the net in general b/c of it.

    I too have a loving husband and great son (my son is 10 y.o.) but I do get quite lonely, have crying spells and lots (LOTS) of headaches. Oh, and as you can probably guess, I too am obsessed with writing in parenthesis (tee hee).

    contact me if you need someone to cry with or just talk to, kay?

  6. i've been mia too! i was going to start another blog, but realized it's hard enough for me to keep up with one. anyway, yes, i get headaches from crying all the time. i guess i cry a lot, but i'm a really sensitive person (plus i have raging hormones right now). excedrine migraine works for me usually. anyway, i totally know about the lonliness. i'm trying to find work at home, but i need to also find some more people to hang around with. after my son was born, i kind of shut myself away for a while. ohh and as for candy, why don't you email me sometime (email on my blog) and let me know what candy you're jonesing for! i can send you some!!

  7. Ehh, thought I'd commented yesterday but I guess it didn't go through.
    I'm still reading mostly YA because of my classes, but I have been reading a new book A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah- Fantastic! Also, the movie Everything is Illuminated was highly recommended, I wasn't aware that it was a book, so I would think it was good, the movie should arrive tomorrow via Netflix, so I'll let you know.


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