Sunday, May 04, 2008

I'm clearly a moron and a poor judge of character

Do you ever think you're good friends with a person only to find out it's all one-sided? And if so, isn't that embarassing?

There were quite a few people I knew from toddler groups and my NCT coffee group that was pregnant at the same time as I was with Littlest. We'd all talk about how were doing pregnancy-wise, gripe about problems together and I thought it gave us all this shared-experience that was fairly bonding. It's nice to know other mothers in the area whose children were born within days of each other, right?

There was one particular woman who I was friendly with beforehand. We talked about our older children going to pre-school and how we decided which places to put their names down for. We talked about making money without going back to work and the pros and cons of different direct-selling businesses. We talked about the limitations of not being able to drive to name just a few... So our conversations were varied and not solely child-centric.

So when her baby was born less than two weeks after Littlest was born, I was thrilled for her. I wanted to know how she was feeling, how her oldest was coping with the new addition, how feeding was doing, if she was able to sleep. When I saw her again at toddler group, I thought we'd have lots to discuss. I felt bad that I'd forgotten to write out the 'congrats on the new baby' that I'd bought especially for her. I went up to her, we spoke for a few minutes. Then we wondered away.

She had answered all of my questions, but didn't volunteer any additional information. She was polite but not friendly. And she never once enquired about me or Littlest. In fact, it was if she was looking over my shoulder to find someone more interesting person to speak to. To find who else hadn't already oohed and aahed over her new child.

Is it just me? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Should I give her some slack because she's still in her newborn-daze? I'm not sure what to think. I just feel a bit stupid.


  1. No, you're not a moron. This is the type of thing that I can obsess over for weeks after it's happened. If it was me (and it has been in the past), I would back off for a little while and see how things progress with her. If she comes back all smiley-nicey then I'd give her another chance but not forget how she made me feel. If she doesn't then, I'd just chalk it up to a learning experience.

    But that's just me, I can hold grudges for years and years!

  2. Oh,I hate when that happens.I once thought I was "friends' with someone only to find out that she didn't even know my name :-/

    I have a really bad habit of opening my mouth and saying stupid and/or offensive things without even realizing it so when that sort of thing happens,I will automatically go back over all past encounters with that person and try to figure out if it's something I did or said LOL.

  3. You might give it another try just to see if it was a one time thing. She may have been preoccupied at the time. That said, I do know what you are talking about, those one-sided friendships. It's very annoying to realize you are the one who gives and gives while the other person does nothing at all.

  4. oh boy, i hate that! yes i would totally obsess over the same thing but the funny thing was that half the time i would be what i would call "manufacturing craziness" where i would blow the whole thing up in my head and really it would turn out that the person was having a bad day or whatever it was but it had nothing to do with me. the other half of the time, yes, i read it right -- and that stinks. maybe you could just try to invite her to something and if you get the same kind of lukewarm-ness, cest la vie. i have had to do that too, it stinks and is unfortunate but what can you do. it's always disappointing when that happens. i dunno, maybe it could be the newborn fog. i've certainly been there! try not to worry too much!

  5. Being a stay at home mom makes you crave one on one adult attention. I'd try again and see what happens. I tend to dwell on stuff like this way to much. In fact, something kind of like this just happened today (basically all the neighbor mom's were going out to eat, I was outside watching my toddler play, and I obviously wasn't invited, so they and I were all embarrassed about it). Keep trying and try not to worry to much, although it can be disappointing.


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