Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Life Update

So, phew.  After a very, very long search looking for part-time work in my local area that would roughly fit in around the school run (SUCH a challenge!) I have finally found work.  I'm very excited.  It's my first paid employment in over a decade, so I was very excited/nervous about what going back to work would be like. 

I struggle quite a lot with my self-esteem and I have to constantly remind myself that I'm good at stuff.  Otherwise my anxiety runs away with itself and causes me no end of grief.  So before my first day started I had to stop with the 'oh my god, what if everyone hates me? what if everyone is younger than me? what if I'm crap at this job?' and get going with telling myself, actually I'm very good at meeting new people, I'm friendly and bubbly and the majority of people like me.  Also? I'm a very capable person and because I'm NEW at this job, nobody expects me to be a pro right from the first second.  (But yes, most people are younger than me!)

So with that pep talk in mind, I absolutely rocked my first day.  And all the days since that day.  I still have to give myself encouragement though.  Because Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is my own self-confidence, even in the face of such overwhelmingly positive results.  I'm thrilled to pieces to have my very own job.  This job gives me a specific purpose during the week.  For the last ten years, my job was to Be Awesome In Every Way, and I've managed that.  But this job allows for specificity in that awesomeness ...and comes with a pay cheque.  I find that specific purpose is what I need in my life.  And also for that purpose to include other people and for it to not happen in my own house.  (Extra income also a bonus!)

I've loved Going To Work on work days, I've loved meeting new people at work, having conversations and a life outside of the four walls of my house.  I love my house and my life over the last decade, but it has sometimes felt very restrictive and isolating over these last ten years and I feel like now I'm expanding.  And I couldn't be happier about it.

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