Hmm

After the whole 'I only listen to one song on repeat' blog (currenly 'Save Yourself' by Sensefield and 'My Immortal' by Evanescence), I thought I may as well go through my music folders that I've got on my computer and choose some new music to listen to. The conclusion I came to, is that my music selection is just so embarassing. Honestly, there's some cringeworthy albums there. I'm in desperate need of new music - stuff I can openly admit to having. My favourite singer is Sarah McLachlan, but I'm open to suggestions?

Out

So I went out this morning to order a birthday cake, and came home with six books from the library. First, I picked up 'Small Island' by Andrea Levy - it won the Orange Prize and I've heard mixed reviews about it. Also, 'Perfect Match' by Jodi Picoult - never heard of this specific book, but checked it out just to see what her writing style is like. Next, we have 'The Dice Man' by Luke Rhinehart, which was recommended to me, and which I was just about to do a swap for at ReadItSwapIt! Finally, we have 'P.S. I Love You' by Cecilia Ahern, and 'Anyone But Him' by Sheila O'Flanagan - both as light reading so I won't feel so bad when I return the others without reading them.
By the way, I hope everyone likes the new look of the blog with the photos and all - I was rereading some of the entries and was thinking 'blah blah blah' so I thought I needed something to break up the text. What do you think?

Mystery

I am such a klutz. Honestly, my clumsiness levels are are just ridiculous - I find myself with bruises and scratches on my arms and legs all the time, and I just have no idea how they got there. I really am a walking disaster.

80s

So it was a nice 80s movie weekend at our house - can you believe my husband has never watched The Breakfast Club? I think he fell asleep though, after he laughed all the way through Emilio Estevez's cool dance when they were getting high. Still a classic for me :) We (I) went on to watch Say Anything and Catholic Boys - though according to IMDb.com it's called Heaven Help Us. I had such huge crushes on Andrew McCarthy and John Cusack!

Song

I have no idea how, but Kelly Clarkson's song, 'Since You've Been Gone' is stuck in my head. I hate when this happens. I sit and wonder, when did I hear that? I don't own the song, or actually like it, why is there, why? I guess it's better than 'Farmer and the Dale' (is that what it's called?) like I had in my head yesterday. I've taken to just listening to one song, but on repeat lately, is this normal? In the past week, it's been 'Tonight, Tonight' by The Smashing Pumpkins, 'I Shall Believe' by Sheryl Crow and 'Blister in the Sun' by I have no idea who, after my My So-Called Life entry.

Addictive

There's this window open on my desktop for the entire day (I won't get into WHY it is, it just IS) and there's a whole bunch of trivia questions, and I have to admit it, I'm addicted to it. The capital of Angola (Luanda), the inventor of the cotton gin (Eli Whitney) I just can't get enough! Someone help me!

Desperate

It's been almost 7 months since I've given up McDonalds. I didn't even WATCH the McLibel programme, I just heard about it, and haven't been back since. I miss it. The different flavour McFlurries, the Big Breakfasts, the Big Mac. Sometimes I pass it on the High Street and think, maybe if I just pop in, no one'll know. That is, apart from me of course. And I'd feel bad. Damn conscience.

Should've

I should've thought of this earlier! I made the decision a little while ago to let go of the past, and I feel so much happier. I never realised how much of an unbearable weight I've been carrying around. I'll still always get a little weepy over mother-daughter scenes in movies (I remember once almost crying at a friend's house when I saw how she interacted with her mother) but that's just who I am because of what I've been through :) I still haven't forgiven myself for what I've done (those things I've never told anyone) but I think all that will come in time, baby steps!

Estate Agents

I changed estate agents this week - the previous one had sent over maybe 15 different clients to view our house, none of whom seemed in the least bit interested. I didn't have to answer any questions or anything. Many more than that were scheduled to see the house, so I tidied and got everything ready, and then sat around to wait for them to not show up. Wasn't very pleased, so we changed and today was our first appointment with the new estate agents - the client was a no-show. Things are not looking up.

Yesterday

I was meant to be somewhere else yesterday, but somehow ended up in a big Waterstone's in London yesterday, curled up in their children's section reading a book for a few hours. After Trudi's email (yes, I'm going to pretend we're on a first name basis) I went looking for her new book, Priestess of the White. Had to stop at just over 200 pages, but I'm loving it so far! Also, I nearly fell over from shock when I found Avalon High in my local library. I love Meg Cabot books, and this one was great! Read Ice Queen by Alice Hoffman in almost one sitting as well. I love the way she writes! Keep putting The Virgin Suicides down and picking up other books, but that doesn't mean it isn't still a great book - I just find myself hearing the voiceover from the movie in my head, because the two are so similar.

Cranky

I hate it when people smoke just outside the shop doors and force other people (me) to inhale their smoke. I hate it when people gob on the pavement and other people (me) accidently step in it. I hate it when people barrel their way past people on the street and nearly knock other people (me) over and then don't apologise or even look back. I hate it when people talk really, really loudly on their mobile phone in really small rooms so that other people (me) are forced to listen to their inane babbling, especially if it's in a foreign language. I hate it when groups of people (read that as moronic women) decide to stand and block the way for everyone else (me) so that they can have a chat about nothing and it's obvious that they are aware that they're blocking the way and just don't care.

Wonderful

I had a wonderful weekend, spending time with my son, going to view some (lovely!) houses, watching 10 episodes of Party of Five season 2 all in a row. It was nice. And relaxing. I need to go to the library today, or at least phone up and renew my books, but I'm feeling a little lazy. I need to go to the High Street to look for birthday presents, also feeling a little too lazy to do this :) Mondays are such a downer, even for me, and I don't work! It's quite funny, I just recieved a book in the post today and it's a present for someone who's given up being mean, sarcastic, and bitter for Lent. The book: 'Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Shit?' I think he'll love it.

Author

So, awhile back, I sent an email to an author who I really liked, never expecting a response - I've written to a few of my favourite authors, and have only ever gotten an automated message back, but today I get a personalised email from Trudi Canavan, author of 'The Magician's Guild,' 'The Novice,' and 'The High Lord' which I think is fantastic, it really made my day! I love simple things like that, a random email, a small comment on my blog.. that sort of thing :) Anyway, she's got a new series out, and I'm desperate to read it, but someone won't go into my old workplace and borrow it for me. I'll just have to wait until it's in the library :(

From Earlier

There was an entry I did ages ago about creating a list of things to accomplish (no one sent me their own personal lists, big suprise) but I just realised I hadn't posted mine either.

1. Finish my law degree. I'm not sure this will lead to being a lawyer, and if it does, all the better. I just want to work really hard and finish this one thing.

2. Learn a(nother) foreign language. I took French and Spanish in high school, and did really well - especially with the Spanish, but I remember when I was still in school, I had this plan of sorts to learn seven different languages, and I never did that. So at least one more will be on my list. I'm thinking Japanese at the moment, but I'm fickle.

3. Cook. I used to cook when I was little, but then I stopped. I don't cook anything at the moment, and that's not good. This one sort of ties in with the next one..

4. Be self-sufficient. A few weeks ago, the lights went out in the house, and I didn't know what to do, I don't want to continue to be so reliant on other people - I want to be able to do things on my own. Pay the bills, drive. All that stuff.

5. Do something terrifying every chance I get. I think one of the rules I made for myself in the first place was not to have abstract goals like this ... there's nothing for me judge this by, but I had to add it anyway. I don't take enough risks or put myself out there enough. There are so many things that I'm afraid of.. there's the usual, public speaking, heights, snakes. But I was really thinking of smaller things - telling someone how I feel about them, open up to close friends, meet new people, go somewhere new by myself.

6. Stop being a victim. This probably should have been number 1 on my list, it's a big one and one that will take some time. There are things that have happened in my life that I continue to hold onto when I shouldn't. I still act like they are major events that have shaped my life, when really it's in the past now, or at least should be.

That's it for now, may add more later.

Urge

I have this strange urge to rewatch all of My So-Called Life. Just in a row, all in one day. I loved that programme so much, everything about it, the cast, the script. It had everything - Even the music, I adore that song, Blister in the Sun, because everytime I hear it, I think of Angela dancing crazy on her bed.

Sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It's good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth: that when you really look closely? People are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. Possibly even me.

The worst feeling is suddenly realizing that you don't measure up. And that, in the past, when you thought you did, you were a fool.

Sometimes I think if my mother wasn't so good at pretending to be happy she might be better at actually being happy.

Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart.

(quotes taken from IMDb.com)

Sleep

I had the strangest dream last night, but I can't remember it anymore. I hate those few seconds just after I wake up when I slowly forget everything I dreamt about and all I'm left with was, I think it was strange. It took me awhile to even get to sleep last night, I stayed up and was thinking of all these random unimportant things. I'm reading this book about sleep, and I was remembering all the times people have told me I've sleptwalked or talked in my sleep. Equally embarassing and amusing now, but not at the time.

Weekend

Had another law course tutorial on Saturday. Turned out to be a nightmare. Apparently there was engineering working being done on the Picadilly line, which forced me onto a bus replacement service and I had to take the most roundabout way possible to get to the Regent's College. Woke up late, had to rush off without breakfast or even taking the right things (no book to amuse me on the tube/bus) When I got there, everyone was talking about some political issue I haven't kept up with in the papers and during the discussion that took up most of the two hour lecture, most of it was over my head. Already I haven't kept up with the reading as well as I should have. Which is terrible, because I stayed at home everyday last week (too lazy to venture out in the rain) and had plenty of time. This week will have to be different. Need to go out to the High Street today though..

Snowing

So it started to snow today, only little bits and it won't stick so I won't get too excited. I miss actual snow, which led to snowball fights and snowmen and sleighing. I don't remember too much about Alaska, but I remember going sleighing once with my brother and his friends and I fell off and wanted lot of attention for it :)

Favourites

This week's favourite websites: Overheard in New York about all the weird and wonderful snippets of conversation overheard in - you got it, New York and Oxfam Unwrapped a great site from Oxfam and a perfect gift solutions for those people who have everything.

Latest

And in other news, I've just agreed to my third ReadItSwapIt thing, and am waiting for 'House of Sleep' by Jonathan Coe. I saw it once when I was working at WHSmith and it looked sort of interesting. I saw on the website the other day that someone had 'Dead Poet's Society' but the book was gone the next day, and I've been looking almost hourly to see if it's been put back on (no luck, obviously) and now I'm desperate to read it. I might even brave the horrible weather to walk down to both local libraries if I have to wait much longer. There was another book I saw that I wanted to read, but my request wasn't accepted. What was it? It was another book made into a movie.... Just checked, was 'The Virgin Suicides' Seriously people, send your book recommendations my way!