Diversity matters: eating disorders

I don't know about you, but for me, education when it came to eating disorders was very black and white. And it was all in extremes. If you starved yourself, you were an anorexic. If you threw up your food, you were bulimic. And that was it. Anorexic or bulimic, one or the other, nothing in between.  My secondary school education was a long time ago though and I hope things have moved with the times.

There have been some books that have discussed eating disorders and/or body image/weight over the years. Lots of hard-hitting, uncomfortable reading like Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. There have been memoirs written, I read a graphic novel once that was interesting in the way the drawings helped to illustrate this character's downward spiral. I come across the same titles. Wintergirls, Just Listen by Sarah Dessen in which the main character's sister has an eating disorder, Massive by Julia Bell, Second Star to the Right. Butter by Erin Lange is interesting as it's about a teen boy with disordered eating. A new book, Paper Weight by Meg Haston has me intrigued, as does Not Otherwise Specified by Hannah Moskowitz.

It's something I find myself drawn to: reading books about characters dealing with eating disorders or reading about the experiences of others that have gone through these things. But I'm curious mostly because I've gone through it myself and reaching out and reading other experiences helps me know that I'm not alone.

I've been thinking a lot about eating disorders lately.  Mostly because of a conversation that I had with a friend of mine (and fellow eating disorder sufferer) but also because of other things. My post on domestic violence and how we needed to see a range of books discussing the topic at its focus but also side stories. And because I recently read and loved The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness which was a book that dealt with many things (anxiety and OCD amongst other things) but none of them I would consider its 'main' focus. And the main character's sister is struggling in her recovery from an eating disorder. And it was a combination of all of these things that made me realise that I wanted to see a bigger, better discourse on eating disorders in YA fiction.

There are definitely things I'd have liked to have read about as a teenager dealing with an eating disorder.  

1) I would have liked to have seen different types of disordered eating. Something that would have shown that eating disorders don't fit neatly into any boxes. It isn't just anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa.  There's a big grey area in which some (most?) eating disorders are subsets of anorexia or bulimia or that overlap both of these big-named disorders. Or there could be eating patterns or behaviours that don't fit with either. Or there's binge eating. There is too much there that is not what I learned in school.

I've had an eating disorder since I was in my teens. But it wasn't something I was truly aware of because I did not have an education that helped me to identify that my eating habits would be considered an eating disorder.  I didn't starve myself to hospitalisation. I've never purposefully purged my food. But I do still have an eating disorder. And it has had an effect on my life in a significant way since I was a very early teen. I did begin to notice that things weren't quite right as a teenager, when things went to a more extreme level but for the most part, I was mostly unaware.

2) So much of what I heard about eating disorders has kind of focused on self-image in terms of the media. Perhaps this is more to do with the reasons behind many people's struggles with anorexia, I'm not sure? And the fact that I've probably read more stories about anorexic teenagers than about any other type of eating disorder. But I'd love to see more of an exploration behind some of the causes of eating disorders aside from this need for thinness or perfection or standards of beauty.

I think, in my own experience, there was a lot more about my eating disorder that stemmed from wanting an element of control when things got very emotional and the fact that I have always struggled to handle strong emotions that I was able to channel into the ways in which I did or did not eat. But there were lots of different factors that led to my eating disorder, I believe: low self-esteem, bullying, deteriorating familial relationships, depression. I really want to see a more complex look at the causes of eating disorders. I think that'd be amazing to see. Because while I agree that the media has a lot to answer for in terms of beauty ideals, I feel like there is more to this story than just that one angle.

3) The reason I mentioned my recent domestic violence post is that within it, I mentioned wanting to see a range of types of domestic violence and not just the extreme versions.  So that readers could see it in its different forms and smaller stories. I'd love for that to be more books like Just Listen by Sarah Dessen and The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness in which we see characters who are dealing with an eating disorder but that these stories are side stories to the main story arc. To me, this normalises people with eating disorders. I'd like to see more stories with characters with an eating disorder just in general. And not just the extreme cases. I'd like to see a bigger range of stories about eating disorders.

4) The biggest complaint I have about our discourse on eating disorders has to do with recovery. It feels too often like YA fiction dealing with eating disorders are similar to that of an episode of a soap opera or made for TV drama. By that I mean that too often things are tied up in a neat bow at the end and we're left with this slightly battle-scarred survivor who is cured and we see nothing more. I want to see more of what happens after the HEA here.  I want to see more people realistically struggling with the after-effects of an eating disorder. That even if there isn't an actual relapse that there are thoughts that return to food and eating habits during times of crisis. That's part of what I liked about Mikey's sister in The Rest of Us Just Live Here. That she admits to having bad days and days where it feels like there will be relapses.

And I want to read about that. Because that feels real to me. I'm going through a tough time now and while I am definitely not in the position I was as 16 year old Michelle with an eating disorder, all the same thoughts and coping mechanisms that I had then still occur to me now. I hear bad news, I start to shut down with all the strong emotions and some of my first thoughts are about eating or not eating. And I am 33 years old and a long ways from the emotional wreck I was a teenager. But nobody is telling that story. And I'd like that story to be told.

Interview with Catherine Johnson, author of The Curious Tale of the Lady Caraboo

Today I'm very happy to have the very lovely Catherine Johnson on my blog talking about books historical fiction and diversity and her latest book, The Curious Tale of the Lady Caraboo, which is publishing 2nd July from Corgi.  I've been looking forward to reading this book for quite some time so I'm really happy both to have already read it but also to have Catherine on the blog too!

To find out more about Catherine Johnson or The Curious Tale of the Lady Caraboo, do visit the following websites:

Catherine Johnson ... Catherine on Twitter ... The History Girls

Hello and welcome to Fluttering Butterflies! Could you please introduce yourself and your book, The Curious Tale of the Lady Caraboo.

Hello! I am Catherine Johnson, the woman with the most boring first name/second name combination in children's books. I have been a writing for a long time, (I used to have a career making films and videos but that was a million years ago) and I've written lots of books mostly YA, people might know Sawbones. But I also write for film and TV - including Holby City - and a film called Bullet Boy.  

The Curious Incident of The Lady Caraboo is a story about lies and love and was inspired by the true story of Mary Wilcox, a cobblers daughter from Devon who passed herself off as a Princess from the South Seas.

 It's about as close to a romance as I've ever got. But it's mostly about lies - who we are and who we'd rather be.

What struck me the most about this book is everyone's reactions to Caraboo. Why do you think there was this fascination with cultures and people of colour in a distant way but such a different reaction to the idea of her being a poor local?

Although the village where the story is set, Almondsbury, is not far from Bristol, the idea of a lost Princess was probably the most exciting thing that had happened in living memory. And a major part of why people believed that Caraboo was real was that Mrs Worrall, the local lady of the manor, wanted her to be real. I think, from my reading, that Mrs Worrall was bored out of her mind. She was an intelligent woman, born in America, who loved anthropology but because of the time she had no outlet for her interest.  It must have been a coup for her having such an interesting house guest, being able to invite professors and experts (which the real Mrs Worrall did) and be at the centre of a real cause celebre. 

I do love that this book is about a person of colour set in a historical time period and that Princess Caraboo is proudly on the cover - both of these being representations I don't see very much of. What are your thoughts on the levels of diversity portrayed in YA fiction in recent times? 

I do think there is more diversity now - especially in regards to sexuality - and I think authors and publishers are making an effort, but there is still a long way to go. I would like to see more authors from different backgrounds, not just race but class too, being published and promoted. Of course the books need to be good but I do think this is vital to get a range of different stories out there. But if we are going to get publishers to respond and publish more widely we need readers to read more diversely too! Part of the push for change we've had in recent years has come from readers and bloggers. So lets have more of everything, please and open minds everywhere!

At one point Caraboo says something along the lines of 'and weren't stories more rewarding than life?' What are some of your favourite books and stories? 

There are so many! One of my all time favourites is Susan Price's Sterkarm Handshake which is historical and science fictiony and brilliant. Also Holes by Louis Sachar, which is utterly brilliantly plotted and it never gets tired.  Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel is a big favourite and also Pao by Kerry Young, a book set in Jamaica in the first half of the Twentieth Century. But the one  that just breaks my heart every time I read it is The Long Song by Andrea Levy. That book is absolutely brilliant, tour de force of point of view as well as a view of history we hardly ever see. There are about a million other books too.....

Mary Wilcox and Princess Caraboo are based on actual events in history! Can you share with us any other incredibly fascinating lesser-known, real-life historical women? 

Women and minorities are always hidden in history. The poorer and less powerful - and women of colour are always at the  bottom of the heap - rarely have their stories told, but there are some and plenty of lives ripe for folding into stories. Here are a few;

Nanny of the Maroons, a real folk hero. She lived in the early 17th century and was kidnapped into slavery as a child in Ghana and bought to Jamaica. She endured terrible and inhumane treatment and ran away into the hills, where she organised free settlements of runaway slaves in the mountains and carried out raids on the British. The town that bears her name still exists.

Adelaide Hall, an American born singer, who was part of the Harlem renaissance who lived the greater part of her life in the UK. In 1941 she was the highest paid entertainer in Britain. I almost wrote a novel based in wartime Soho, she'd have definitely have had a walk on in that...

One last thing. Where I used to live in Hackney was a big old house, long since divided into flats. This was the Ayahs home, a home for Indian nannies employed by British families on the long voyage back from India but then abandoned in London without any money and unable to get home. This went on well into the 20th century. It's really worth finding out more just about where you live...

In fact, historical YA isn't something that I know a great deal about, do you have any recommendations or suggestions? 

YES! Lots. I belong to a brilliant joint blog called the History Girls which features writers like Celia Rees (Witch Child, Pirates!), Mary Hoffman (David, Stravaganza) Penny Dolan (A Boy Called Mouse) Tanya Landman (Apache, Buffalo Soldier) and Lydia Syson (Liberty's Fire, A World Between Us) - there are many more on there too. Another one I would recommend is Jamila Gavin's classic Coram Boy or any of Mary Hooper's work - Newes From The Dead, The House of The Magician, Poppy. Every one of those books is utterly brilliant.

I kind of love the fact that Mary creates Princess Caraboo into a person that she'd like to be and makes her own sort of Princess Rules. What would at the top of your own list of Princess rules?

Princess rules! What a great idea... 

1. Everyone to have their own pony and/or swimming pool although not a pony in a swimming pool....

2. I would like my own dedicated wool shop just like the new one in Stoke Newington High Street. I am a demon knitter. I used to have a stall in Portobello market when I was a student.

3.

All libraries to have extended opening hours and all the books I want in whenever I visit.

4. Plenty of custard. I am partial to custard.

There are so many lying liars in your book! Do you have any favourite literary liars?

Lies make stories -and I love a good unreliable narrator like Cadence in E. Lockhart's We Were Liars too. But I'm going to recommend an absolutely stunning non fiction book here stuffed full of the most professional liars of the 19th and twentieth century. I love stories of Con men and grifters - The Sting is a brilliant film, do watch it - and that film was based on a really fascinating book - a non fiction academic study by a linguist in 20th century America who was studying criminal slang. That sounds dry but the book really isn't. David Maurer, the author, interviewed all of the con men of the late 19th and early 20th century for his book, The Big Con, and it is totally absorbing.

And finally, The Curious Tale of Lady Caraboo was one of my most anticipated UKYA reads in 2015. What are you most looking forward to reading? 

That's so blush making! I hope it didn't disappoint.... I am a big fan of Sarra Manning's books, YA and adult. I think she's doing a historical next, set in  WW2, and I cannot wait. And I am looking forward to the next Malorie Blackman. Now she's retired from laureating I do hope she'll have plenty of writing time to finish the sequel to Boys Don't Cry...

REVIEW: The Curious Tale of the Lady Caraboo by Catherine Johnson

I'd really been looking forward to reading The Curious Tale of the Lady Caraboo by Catherine Johnson for awhile now.  So I was very happy to get a copy sent to me and jumped in straight away.

And I really liked this story.  It's based on a true story of an actual young woman called Mary Willcox who managed to convince a wealthy family that she was a princess from the South Seas and that makes this story even more fascinating to me.  I know that Catherine Johnson did change some aspects of the story but I still think the original basis of what happened to Mary Willcox to be incredibly interesting.  As is this book! I really didn't know what was going to happen throughout the story and I was really intrigued from the moment I started reading.

The Curious Tale of the Lady Caraboo has sort of a harrowing beginning. As we see poor Mary Willcox in bad shape and she is further attacked by some men and in that moment she decides that things will be different from now on.  And that's what happens.

She pretends to be this different person, this princess from Java. And it becomes quite an elaborate lie that is spun as Caraboo manages to convince this local wealthy family, the Worralls,  that she is in fact royalty and they take her in for several months. An entire language is created as well as a religion and a style of dress and mannerisms that Caraboo creates herself. At times both Caraboo (and surely the reader!) are sort of preparing for this lie to be caught out and for Caraboo to be sent packing ... but things carry on for a very surprising length of time.

I really liked the character of Caraboo that Mary Willcox pretends that she is.  Caraboo becomes this fierce warrior princess who hunts and climbs and does what she likes. It really felt like she had decided not to be held back by her gender or her (lack of) wealth and just decided to become this person she and society had never allowed her to become until one day when she just makes that decision and a transformation happens.

As well as being incredibly interested and invested in Caraboo's character and how she gets on, I was also really fascinated to see the changes within this family that Caraboo is staying with and the different reactions they all have to Caraboo's intrusion into their lives. There is Mrs Worrall, who seems to relish the attention as well as the fact that she is at the centre of a scientific investigation and has scientists of the day from phrenologists to electricity experts, coming into her house and that she is able to participate in something larger than her in her every day life.

And then there are the Worrall children: flighty Cassandra and skeptical Fred who in turns befriend and question Caraboo's sincerity and actions. Cassandra and Fred really shouldn't be likeable characters. They are both overly privileged and entitled and yet still, I found myself warming to both characters a great deal.  I liked that Cassandra and Caraboo formed this friendship and that Fred seemed to struggle with his relationships with women after a comment made to him by a prostitute. I also loved the juxtaposition of Cassandra's love affair with that of the reluctant growing of feelings that happens for Caraboo.

I thought Lady Caraboo's story was an incredibly fascinating story. It felt like a story of choices and love and about being the person who most want to be. I loved this glimpse into a POC historical figure and time period and I was swept away by the circumstances of Caraboo's life. Really enjoyed this one!

Diversity Matters: Economic differences

I've written a couple of posts already about why diversity matters in terms of race representation, but when I originally started writing 'Diversity Matters' I really wanted it to be a series of posts about different types of diversity. Including sexuality, religion, ability, culture, and more.  The post I've always put off writing is this one.  Why I think different economic backgrounds matter and why this topic is personal to me.

When I started reading YA, the majority of the books I'd read (in the beginning) were all very similar. They were books about white, straight, Christian, middle to upper class families and the things the main character struggled with (issue books aside!) were usually boys or grades or the idea of 'perfection'.  And while I did enjoy these stories, I could only enjoy them up to a certain point before I started asking the questions 'where are all the poor people in these stories? why don't they exist in this world?' Because that is definitely how I grew up.

My dad was in university studying pre-law when he enlisted in Vietnam. He spent three tours out there and came back with a lot of physical and mental injuries because of his experiences.  His physical injuries meant that it was near impossible for him to maintain a job and even now, decades later, he experiences severe and chronic pain. He lives mostly on the disability benefits provided by the US government based on his veteran status.  Growing up, his disability benefit fluctuated and for many years there was no possible way that this allowance would stretch to providing for a family of four.

My mother dropped out of high school without any qualifications and throughout the time she lived with us as a family, she mostly did unskilled work in factories that operated on a seasonal basis. She also worked as a cleaner, waitress, carer, lunch lady. She worked in convenience stores and petrol stations and fast food. Absolutely anything.

But still, we struggled. There was times when I was really, really ill and we couldn't afford to visit a proper doctor and my mom and I waited for an entire day for a volunteer nurse/doctor to see us at a nearby walk-in clinic.  Going to the dentist was a luxury we couldn't afford. There were times we were on food stamps. My brother and I always qualified for the free school lunches and subsidised field trips.  At our worst, we had to call in for the local food bank to deliver boxes of food to cover us for several months at a time.

I can't remember a time when I wasn't aware of money and how much things cost. I remember writing a mini-essay in 2nd grade about the costs of Halloween and the effect that Halloween had on our family (and other families like mine!) But the children I went to school with didn't have these same concerns or thoughts. And I was picked on for not having designer jeans or shoes. I didn't have cool hair styles or glasses, I couldn't afford to go on certain trips or do fun activities like some of my friends. When we celebrated birthdays and Christmases (which wasn't always), our gifts normally veered towards the practical.

I look back now and realise the very different experience that I had growing up to that of some of my friends.  Without the worry of food and shelter, these other children were able to thrive and develop their interests in hobbies and schooling and dream of the lives they'd lead at university and beyond and my setting was stuck on just surviving. During this time, I couldn't see a way out of this existence I was born into.  I couldn't picture any other life other than one struggling from month to month, just barely getting by.

And that's where I think different representations of economic backgrounds are important in literature, especially for teens.  To let them know not only do their stories matter but that there is more to this world beyond the microcosm of a lower economic bracket.

And, luckily, there are writers out there doing great stuff in this area, authors that I wish I could have read as a teenager: Keren David and Melvin Burgess and Phil Earle and Dave Cousins amongst others.  That do write about characters that I feel familiar with on a personal level.

And I've been reading some interesting stories over the past few months regarding characters and families living in poorer conditions or on on council estates.  Liccle Bit by Alex Wheatle was a great story about gangs and how the main character had a way off the estate and into something better.  Me and Mr J by Rachel McIntyre was an interesting story of a family in crisis and some of the consequences of that.  Even historical books such as Liberty's Fire by Lydia Syson showed us a glimpse of different economic backgrounds during a French revolution that was fascinating and other modern day writers like Sophie McKenzie with Split Second showed us what a near-future dystopian London setting in which austerity cuts have affected the lives of many including one of the main characters.

So I'd like more of that, please.

REVIEW: When Mr Dog Bites by Brian Conaghan

I really enjoyed When Mr Dog Bites by Brian Conaghan. I started reading it last year when I received a hardback copy of this book for review and I loved Dylan's voice in particular. But for some reason, I put the book down and didn't return to it. Until now, when in an attempt to read more UKYA and more diverse books, I thought that I would pick this book up again and give it another go. I'm really glad that I did.

When Mr Dog Bites is Dylan Mint's story. He's a 16 year old boy living in Glasgow with his mother and he has Tourette's. At a doctor's appointment, Dylan overhears his mum and doctor saying that Dylan has a year left to live. With this new, scary knowledge Dylan decides to make a bucket list. He has just three things on his list.

1) He'd like to have sex. Particularly with Michelle Molloy a girl at his school.
2) He wants to make sure his best friend, Amir, has friends and isn't all alone after Dylan dies.
3) He'd like his father home from the army.

It isn't easy completing these tasks at all. He's up against his own physiology with the first (what girl is going to like it when she offensive things at her?), battling racism in the second and fighting the impossible with the third. But throughout this story, I was really rooting for Dylan. He had amazing presence and voice in this book and I couldn't help but be very emotionally involved in this story.

There were a few things especially that I loved about this book:

The first is the way in which language is used throughout. Dylan adopts some Cockney rhyming terminology and also fuses different types of language into his own unique style and it really made me happy. He also lives in Glasgow and his accent comes through when he's speaking and there was some phrases where I could guess the meaning but had never come across before. This of course is separate from his outbursts of swearing. He deliberately chooses his own language but it cannot be helped what he shouts out from time to time. Prepare yourselves for lots of swearing and offensive language in this book!

Another thing I really liked about the book is that it paints a much clearer picture of what it might be like both to have Tourette's but also what it might be like to attend a special school like Dylan, Amir and Michelle attend. All three face different types of abuse but we also get to see them as individuals and learn their stories and I thought all three were fantastic. With Dylan, I'm sure I had plenty of preconceived misconceptions about what Tourette's is and he helped me become better educated and sympathetic. There were times, especially when he felt very down about his doomed love life, that I really felt for him and began to realise how very difficult it is to do or have things that other people take for granted.

But of course the thing I loved the most about When Mr Dog Bites are the relationships. Dylan's friendship with Amir. His interactions with Michelle. The way he treats the poor taxi man. But especially Dylan's relationship with his mother. There's something really sweet but also incredibly realistic about their relationship. It isn't cheesy or overdone but it just felt so believeable.

I absolutely loved this book and I'm really glad to have read it!

Diversity Matters: Being Mixed Race as a Teenager

I recently wrote a post, Diversity Matters: Being Mixed Race and it felt like the Internet exploded in its support of me and my story and my call for more diversity in literature. I'd always planned on writing a series of blog posts about my experiences but, to be honest, I felt nervous following up that original blog post.  Here is my attempt.

If you've read that first post, you'll know that I'm mixed race (my dad is white, my mother is Native American) and that my childhood was filled with quite a bit of racism and racist experiences that left me feeling confused and alienated and feeling mostly that I hated myself and my Native American side that made me different from everyone else.

In high school, things felt different.

I don't know if these changes happened because my schoolmates and I were all older or if it was because my family had moved to a new neighbourhood. Either way, it felt in high school like I had something to prove.  Or live up to and that I failed miserably at both.

I remember quite clearly being in class and the teacher and one of the school council delegates was talking about diversity. Someone had informed the students that they needed more people of colour on the school council for things 'to be fair' A black girl was singled out and even though I didn't do anything further about school council, I still felt under pressure. That I held some responsibility that I hadn't before.

Another time in class, a teacher brought up another student and said that this student was 'the most out and proud person' he knew about her Native American heritage and as he was saying this, he looked pointedly at me. It felt like I was being judged for the amount (or lack thereof) of pride that I had in my own heritage. Both of these experiences made me feel like I needed to be 'more' Native for other people. Like someone else needed me to fill in a role that I didn't feel comfortable filling.

I joined the Native American Student Union in my high school.  There were about 8 or 10 of us. I should have felt like I belonged but I didn't.  Nobody else was mixed like I was. Nobody else was from the Tlingit tribe. There were girls (and they were all girls) there who had feathers in their hair and spoke enthusiastically about local events and powwows and other activities she was part of. I felt like I wasn't Native 'enough' in their presence as I didn't have the same experiences, take part in the same activities or come from a shared background. I wanted to belong and I didn't.  I took part in some of their fundraising ventures but quickly stopped attending meetings. Being Native American wasn't enough to bond us together.

I don't have clear memories of my high school classes but the feeling I get when I try to remember is that there were definitely more people of colour in my high school than there were in the elementary schools that I attended (as witnessed by 10 members of the Native American Student Union!). In my year, I had a Mexican friend, an Iranian friend, a Filipino friend. It just felt like things were more commonplace than they were in my different schools and that race became less of an issue.

But it wasn't like it wasn't an issue at all either. Movies like Dances With Wolves or The Last of the Mohicans in the 90s made an impact on my high school. There was talk of not angering me so that it would prevent me from 'scalping' anyone. I was asked where I kept my tomahawk. I was asked what my Indian name was constantly. (Some people made up offensive names up for me when I responded that I didn't have one.) One of the terms I couldn't escape during this period of time was 'Indian giver' about the apparent untrustworthiness of American Indians. I was mistaken for Eskimo. I was told quite often to 'go back to the reservation where I belonged' (Nobody stuck around for me to tell them that the Tlingit people had never lived on reservations)

Other people just called me more Mexican-based racist terms. Because no where could I escape that.

I write these things and share my experiences because I want things to be different. No doubt they already are but more can always be done. I don't want to see the same stereotypes played out for other young people of colour. Other mixed race children growing up.

I want more diversity in literature so that people everywhere know that one story about Native Americans isn't the same story for all of us. I want better representation to spread better knowledge and understanding of our individual and collective experiences and to banish some of these stereotypes.

I think by having more stories about a wide array of different cultures and experiences will mean that not only will young readers see a better reflection of themselves but it will also go some way in educating others about they different experiences of other people.

Diversity matters: Being mixed race

I'm mixed race. My father is white and traces his ancestors back to many European countries. My mother is from the Tlingit tribe of Southeast Alaska. Growing up, I knew nobody but myself, my brother and my mother who was Native Alaskan. Nobody outside our small family could even pronounce 'Tlingit' correctly.

It was difficult growing up.  Perhaps it would have been different if I grew up in say, Juneau, which has a large population of my mother's family and other Native Alaskans? I'll never know. I predominantly lived and went to school in all-white communities. In my elementary school there were 4 children of colour. Me, my brother, a black girl and a half-Korean girl. In a sea of white faces.  Things were marginally different in middle school and high school.

But nevertheless, I was still picked on incessantly because of my race. I was mistaken for Mexican quite a lot and had several racist nicknames that I was known by. My (white) dad picked me up once from a sports practice and he was told 'there is no way that YOU are the father of THIS child' and I cried. I remember being 7 or 8 in the shower and I was scrubbing at my skin viciously in the hopes that if I scraped away the dirty brown layer of my skin, I'd be pinky white (and therefore beautiful) like all the other children.  Every where I looked I saw white faces. And everything, from the way I was treated by other children and books and TV and films and magazines, they all made me feel like white was best and white was beautiful.

It was confusing. I always felt like I had to choose between being white and being Native Alaskan and because of my skin colour, white was taken out of the running.  But with my mother having left at a young age, I didn't know anything about what it meant to be Native Alaskan. There were some places I could go to learn arts and crafts of other Native Americans.  But the difference between being Cherokee (for instance) and being Tlingit is immense. Our two lives and cultures and experiences are not the same and are not interchangeable.

So where did that leave me?

And throughout these years of bullying, and name-calling, I did turn to books for comfort and escape.  But the books I was reading never told my story. They were mostly about white, middle class boys and girls struggling with things that felt alien to me. I never did find any books about mixed race bookish girls who didn't fit in with other girls and was picked on and felt confused about her heritage and where she fit into the world.

I did find some books about Native Americans. They did exist even back when I was a young child. But they were mostly incredibly problematic. A lot of them were about finding out more about the white people's religion or culture and how that was superior to their own or about falling in love and changing who they were to suit someone else's needs.  These weren't the type of books I felt okay with reading. I wanted bold, empowering stories about girls who were different.

And I didn't realise it at the time, but I think that's why I fell so in love with books and stories and memoirs about Jewish people during WWII. It started with Anne Frank and I went on to read anything else about Jews during this period of time that I could get my hands on.  I can see now that I was empathising with Jewish people - they were different and being persecuted for being different but there were so many stories of people from all backgrounds and beliefs that fought in that struggle together.  And I think that's what I always wanted for myself.  I wanted to see people fighting for me, telling me it was okay to be different. That it was okay to be myself.

I don't remember the first book that I read that featured a mixed race main character. But I know that I cried when I read that first book. And I know that it only happened to me as an adult reader. I still sometimes cry when I read books about mixed race characters. Because it's something so important to me. Even now. Always.

There's this quote that I read by Junot Diaz which has always struck a chord with me:

“You guys know about vampires? … You know, vampires have no reflections in a mirror? There’s this idea that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror. And what I've always thought isn't that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror. It’s that if you want to make a human being into a monster, deny them, at the cultural level, any reflection of themselves. And growing up, I felt like a monster in some ways. I didn't see myself reflected at all. I was like, “Yo, is something wrong with me? That the whole society seems to think that people like me don’t exist?" And part of what inspired me, was this deep desire that before I died, I would make a couple of mirrors. That I would make some mirrors so that kids like me might see themselves reflected back and might not feel so monstrous for it.”

In fact, reading this quote made me cry. It made me cry when I first read it and just now when I read it again to include it in this blog post. Because that's exactly what it felt like growing up and seeing no reflection of myself in anything. I felt like there must be something wrong with me. 

And that's why I think diversity matters.  Let's have more mixed race characters in books and more diversity and let's not leave behind those children without any reflection. Let's let them know that they matter and that it's okay to be whoever we are. 

REVIEW: She Wore Red Trainers by Na'ima B. Robert

She Wore Red Trainers by Na'ima B. Robert is not like any other book I've read before and I really like it for that very reason.  It's always a good thing, I think, reading books very different to our own personal beliefs.  It's good to read a story with a very different perspective and to see things differently.  And that's what my enjoyment of She Wore Red Trainers was about for the most part.

She Wore Red Trainers has the subtitle 'A Muslim Love Story' and it is a dual-perspective novel telling the story of two teenagers, Amirah and Ali, and how they came to meet each other and fall in love and how their relationship conforms to the ideals and customs of the Muslim religion.

It was a very different experience witnessing Ali and Amirah's feelings for the other develop over the course of this novel. A lot of that connection was subtle: there wasn't very much direct interaction with each other and I felt like the two characters found out about each other more from other people, through friends and family etc, than they did through actual conversations and spending time with each other. And while as a reader seeing the events unfold from both perspectives and seeing how both Ali and Amirah feels about the other, I think it's more apparent that these two characters potentially have a lot in common and that there might be the possibility of more, I still wanted to see them talk a bit more and to see some of their shared ideas and hopes and dreams verbalised.

I really enjoyed getting to know both Ali and Amirah throughout this book. I felt like the romantic elements of this story are kind of on a back burner and at the forefront of this novel is the character development of both of our main characters as they struggle in their friendships and families and their futures. And I really enjoyed seeing how their religion shapes a lot of their thoughts and decisions and how it both helps and guides them through.

We have Ali, who has moved to London with his dad and two brothers after the death of Ali's mother and the decline in his father's business. Everyone is handling their grief in different ways and I really liked seeing Ali's brother, Umar, struggle with Ali and their dad's return to Islam and we can see that, for Umar at least, it isn't quite that easy and that there's still plenty of anger and helplessness in the face of loss.

And then there is Amirah, who is pretty resistant to the idea of boys and marriage especially in light of her mother's disastrous love life as her mother is, at the beginning of the novel, grappling with her fourth divorce. And at the same time Amirah is also questioning what she wants to do with her life and what she sees for her future. She loves art but other more practical subjects are more encouraged and pushed.

It was great to see people using their religious beliefs to do good things, like setting up a youth group and raising money for charity. It was great to explore the Muslim faith more. I found it really interesting to see the pressures that both Ali and Amirah were under - from themselves, their families, their friends, their community and within their religion.  It was a very interesting experience.

UKYA Published in 2015 by POC Authors

When I decided to devote all my reading in March to books with POC authors I didn't fully realise how difficult it would be to accomplish.  In fact, I don't have enough on my shelves and Kindle to cover a month's worth of reading so I've had to include books with LGBT characters/LGBT authors to boost up the numbers.  I find it eye-opening how few books I own written by POC authors and I also find it eye-opening about how few books, especially UKYA books, are being published this year by POC authors.

These are just the UKYA POC authors that I know of with books out this year. Please, let me know if I'm missing any. I'd love to be wrong about this.

In terms of YA published in the UK by POC authors, there are a few I've spotted: Talon by Julie Kagawa, My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga, PS I Still Love You by Jenny Han, Never Always Sometimes by Adi Alsaid, Everything Everything by Nicola Yoon, and probably more. But this blog post will be focusing on UKYA!

Sam Hepburn

If You Were Me by Sam Hepburn (2 April, Chicken House)

Not long after Aliya's family escapes Afghanistan for Britain, her brother is accused of a bomb attack. Aliya is sure of his innocence, but when plumber's son Dan finds a gun in their bathroom, what's she to think? Dan has his own reasons for staying silent: he's worried the gun might have something to do with his dad. Thrown together by chance, they set out to uncover a tangled and twisted truth.

Catherine Johnson

Curious Tale of the Lady Caraboo by Catherine Johnson (2 July, Corgi Children's)

Cassandra Worrell is beautiful, rich and very, very bored. Trapped in her parents stately home, she dreams of escape. Life suddenly becomes much more interesting with the appearance of a beautiful, disorientated young woman, who speaks a mysterious language . . . Cassandra is convinced she's found a princess from a far away land . . . Could the princess hold the key to the adventure she's been seeking? Or might the escape she desires be found in the arms of the wholly inappropriate but utterly delectable local boy, Will Jenkins?

Alex Wheatle 

Liccle Bit by Alex Wheatle (5 March, Atom)

What's worse than hiding a secret? Liccle Bit's about to find out...

Venetia King is the hottest girl at school. Too bad Lemar is the second shortest guy in his year. Everyone calls him Liccle Bit, and his two best friends, McKay and Jonah, never tire of telling him he has no chance with girls. Things aren't much better at home. His mum is permanently hassled, his sister a frustrated single mum and his dad moved out years ago. Liccle Bit wishes he could do something - anything! - to make life better. A new phone would be a start...

As a new gang war breaks out on his estate, Lemar discovers that South Crongton's notorious gang leader has taken an interest in him. Before he knows what's happening, he's running errands. When he puts his own family in danger, Liccle Bit will be forced to question his choices. How can he possibly put things right?

Taran Matharu

The Novice by Taran Matharu (5 May, Hodder Children's Books)

When blacksmith apprentice Fletcher discovers that he has the ability to summon demons from another world, he travels to Adept Military Academy. There the gifted are trained in the art of summoning. Fletcher is put through grueling training as a battlemage to fight in the Hominum Empire’s war against orcs. He must tread carefully while training alongside children of powerful nobles. The power hungry, those seeking alliances, and the fear of betrayal surround him. Fletcher finds himself caught in the middle of powerful forces, with only his demon Ignatius for help.

As the pieces on the board maneuver for supremacy, Fletcher must decide where his loyalties lie. The fate of an empire is in his hands. The Novice is the first in a trilogy about Fletcher, his demon Ignatius, and the war against the Orcs.

Tanya Byrne

For Holly by Tanya Byrne (4 June, Headline)

Lola Durand hates her stepmother. It's a cliché but it's true. 

Lola Durand can't get through to her father. He never wants to talk about the things that matter: why they had to move to Paris, why he had to marry evil Agatha, and how they can get through the heartache of her mother's death together.

If he won't listen, she'll show him. She'll show him the truth about his new wife and then her life can go back to normal, just the way she likes it. 

Lola Durand knows a secret about her stepmother. She's going to share it.

Amy Alward

The Potion Diaries by Amy Alward (2 July, Simon and Schuster)

When Nova's princess (more Kate Middleton than Rapunzel!) is poisoned by her own love potion, the city's alchemists are entered into a deadly, high-profile quest to find a cure. It's the chance of a lifetime for Sam's alchemist family, who have been mixing magic potions for generations . . . but can Sam save their crumbling reputation?
Sam must choose whether to work with or against her best friends, Anita and Arjun, and finds herself thrown towards Zain, heir to the ZoroAster synthetic potions corporation, and her arch enemy. He also happens to be the boy most likely to marry the princess . . . 
With the nation's media watching her every move, Sam overcomes incredible dangers and impossible dilemmas in order to hunt down the ingredients: a mermaid's pearl, pink jasmine, Eluvian ivy, hair from an abominable and a unicorn's tail. Tricky. Can Sam save the now dangerously powerful princess by winning the contest? And just how close are she and Zain willing to get in the meantime??