Books read in August

1. Touching Darkness by Scott Westerfeld
2. Blue Noon by Scott Westerfeld
3. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer (reread)
4. A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
5. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
6. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (reread)

A disappointing list this month, but I did read some of Possession by AS Byatt, Nineteen Eighty Four by George Orwell, One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, some of How The Dead Live by Will Self, a bit of The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold and about 300 pages of East of Eden by John Steinbeck. Which I'm still loving, but with all the excitement over planning Littlest's christening and a weekend visit from my sister in law and her family I sadly took a short break from reading and blogging. Maybe September will be more productive?

Stephenie Meyer's Midnight Sun

Stephenie Meyer's partial and unfinished work Midnight Sun in which she rewrites Twilight from Edward's perspective has been put on hold indefinately according the statement she's made on her blog. This is due to it being illegally distributed over the Internet. She has released an official copy of the unfinished draft and has said that her heart is no longer in the right place to finish the story the way it should be written. It's quite sad really. I would have liked to have read more. (which of course, means that I *have* read the chapters)

Stephenie writes on her blog that she'd rather her fans not read the chapters that are there but she's posted the draft on her website so that her fans don't have to 'make a sacrifice to stay honest', but I've seen on other websites that some fans are refusing to read what little of Midnight Sun there is. What do you think? Is it a moral quandary for you? What do you think about the whole situation?

Olympic withdrawal...

Would you rather be a member of a world championship sports team or be the champion of an individual sport? Which sport would you choose?

My answer? I'll come to that in a minute. I have played my fair share of sports in my lifetime. I was on the swimming team since forever but quit because I thought I was too 'cool' for it. Then I joined the basketball team, the soccer team, the softball team. I just wanted to have fun and mess around with my friends, but my dad saw the sports as a way for me to boost my self confidence. I'm clumsy and have very bad coordination. And my dad never once pressured me into being more adventurous in the way I played in games, but as soon as I knew he would have liked me to try harder, do more to score or win, all the fun quickly drained out of it. And it was all down to me taking it too seriously, confusing myself by owning my dad's feelings instead of my own. I was on the track team briefly in high school because that's what I thought he wanted for me. So I don't have great memories of my time in team sports. If I had better eyesight, if I'd gotten lucky one of those times I actually had the ball in soccer or basketball and scored some points maybe things would have been different.

Anyway. Long story short, I completely regret dropping the swim team. My coach said I was a natural and I made it to state the same year I joined. I still love swimming. I don't need to have great eyesight, it doesn't matter that I trip over flat, stable surfaces and I enjoyed it. What about you?

Orangina? Um, no thanks

I recently saw this Orangina advert, and I have to say, never in my life have I seen an advert which made me want to avoid a product that I'd previously bought. This article made it slightly more clear what the point of the advert is (a play on the french word 'pulpeuse' which can mean both 'contains pulp' but also 'sexy' or 'voluptuous'), but apart from that, I think of it as intensely creepy and disturbing. When it's on television, I can't turn away and watch it horrified like I've just seen a terrible car accident. Is it an interesting and different advert which has sparked controversy and has people talking about it? Yes. Will I buy Orangina because of it? Absolutely not.

Girl Crush

OK, I admit it. I have a bit of a girl crush at the moment. It's Holly Willoughby. I loved her in Streetmate, never watching Dancing on Ice or whatever it was, and now she's hosting the Xtra Factor. She just makes me laugh and she seems to get on with everyone. It turns out I'm liking the Xtra Factor more than the auditions at the moment! Who else is watching?!

Better late than never I suppose

I have an embarassing confession to make: I've never voted in a presidential election. No, I've never voted in anything. It's not something I'm proud of, I've always meant to, but until now I hadn't really done anything about it.

You see, I moved to England just after my 18th birthday and didn't realise I could vote whilst outside of the US (ignorance is not an attractive quality to have) and once I did know that I could vote, I was too lazy to fill out the forms and send them off in time. This year is different. I fully intend to have the paperwork filled out and sent off in time to cast my vote in this year's election. About time, right?

Handwriting

All of the typing I do makes my handwriting look like this.

It was written in my notebook that is always laying around somewhere. It's filled mostly with lists. Lists of books read, lists of things to do, blog ideas, phone numbers, books I'd like to read, gift ideas, the rota for my local coffee group. It seems like I have thousands of these type of notebooks lying around. I can't really couldn't live without one.

What does your handwriting look like? Enquiring minds would like to know.

Littlest's christening...

...a fab time was had by all. Back to my regularly scheduled blogging!

Overheard...

Elliot (jumping up and down in excitement): I saw die-shoe-aurs!
N: Where did you see dinosaurs?
Elliot: I saw die-shoe-aurs at da zooseum!
N: You saw dinosaurs at the museum? Wowee!
Elliot (stops jumping and puts his serious face on): I NOT WEE ON DEM!

Brothers

I hope they're always this happy to play together.

Currently

Reading: East of Eden by John Steinbeck. I started to read How the Dead Live but was annoyed that Self chose to write the novel from a woman's perspective, which I found him unable to do convincingly. Then I started The Almost Moon, but didn't realise it was about a woman killing her mother. I have mother-daughter issues myself, but I couldn't carry on with it. Foundation, from the back cover, looked to be too scifi-geeky for me right now, which leads me to East of Eden. Which I fell in love with immediately. Only 100 pages into it, can't wait to read more.

Watching: We watched Thank You For Smoking over the weekend, and I'm up the third series of Gilmore Girls. What do the two have in common? You guessed it, Adam Brody. I admit it, I have a thing for him. Funny, slightly geeky guys do it for me. I've been having dreams about Adam Brody lately.

Listening to: Afterglow by Sarah McLachlan. There's something about Sarah McLachlan. Her music is the type where I connect a lot of memories and emotions with. Mirrorball especially reminds me of new love as well as heartbreak. Afterglow reminds me of loss, waiting, hopefulness.

And that ends this week's Currently. What're you up to?

Library Haul

So I was at the library and I only had Littlest (Oldest being at his Nana's) and it was great not running around after Oldest making sure he wasn't pulling the books off the shelves and leaving them everywhere. And then some busybody comes around, you know the type, leans over Littlest who's crying a bit in his pushchair and says to Littlest 'ah, poor sweet love, are you hungry?' So I say 'no, he's just a little cranky because he's tired' (still talking directly to Littlest)'Yes, nothing to chew but your little fingers' And there I am thinking piss off lady when she mentions what a windy day it is and shouldn't he have a blanket.

Is it just that generation of women? Do they really think it's OK to tell me these things like I don't know what's best for my child? Anyway. Still at the library.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I went to the library in order to pick up some books that were less .. heavy and something I'd be able to sink into straight away (and certainly not for unsolicited parenting advice). Instead, I picked up these books:

The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro (which I've been halfway through for about a year now)
The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton (read a review of it recently)
Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis (possibly same as above?)
Cancer Ward by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (wouldn't have been able to spell that surname without the book being right next to me)
East of Eden by John Steinbeck (why on earth would I have picked up such a chunky book?!)
Foundation by Isaac Asimov (at least it's quite thin)
How the Dead Live by Will Self (again with the reviews)
The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold (hopefully I'll be able to sink into this as easily as Lovely Bones)

Will I read them all? I'm not sure if I'll finish even one of them. I just couldn't find anything else and it's impossible for me to leave without picking up something. I was desperately hoping for some YA or chicklit, obviously with no success. We're off to the hospital today for an eye appointment. Hopefully I'll have some time while I'm waiting to flick through one of these.

The wrong side of the road

So, N has been taking me out driving most weekends so I can build up some confidence. And everytime I think 'yes, I can do this' things go horribly wrong. This weekend I stalled on a busy roundabout, mounted a curb as we were driving, and kept swerving into the wrong lanes whilst on roundabouts.

At least it's not the worst things I've ever done on the road. There was that time that I tried to drive right around a roundabout (instead of left). That was pretty bad. I had one of those weird instinctual moments, even though I never, ever drove in America, I thought on that deciding moment whilst driving that the OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD WAS THE CORRECT SIDE. I still do that all the time when I'm walking. I'll be walking along and in that second before I put my foot out to cross the street and I'll think 'oh no, I looked the wrong way' and get all panicky even though I generally throw a glance in the other direction, JUST IN CASE. I wonder if that will ever change.

I don't know any other expats, but I'm hoping this is a common problem. Or it could just be me.

Did I mention, 4:30 in the morning?

There was once a time (a week ago) where Littlest would drink 4 7 ounce bottles of milk a day and sleep the whole night through waking no earlier than 6 o'clock. Gone are those days. Now, he's drinking 5-6 7 ounces bottles, waking up at least once in the night and his first bottle of milk is at 4:30.

At 5 months old, I declare it time to start feeding my little Littlest some proper food. Only I don't remember how it goes. It's been years since I had to puree food, or use those flat little spoons. All I remember is the health visitor I spoke to when I needed to start weaning Oldest having a go at me because I wanted to wean Oldest before 6 months. She kept telling me 'government regulations recommend waiting until 6 months before...' until I got so annoyed, I walked away from her.

When Littlest was born, I'd forgotten that babies needed changing so often. I'd forgotten that newborns are so little and that their faces changed so often. I'd forgotten that first smile and those little coos and how everything was still scrunched up for ages.

It makes me really sad that I'd forgotten those early days with Oldest so quickly. I wonder how long it'll take before I forget these days with Littlest. My babies are growing up far too quickly.

Reading...

After my last disappointment, reading wise, I haven't been able to settle on a book. It's odd how not having a great book to read unsettles me. I rarely read more than one book at a time, but I keep picking up a book and thinking 'meh' putting it down again, picking up a different book, going back to the first. I'm not sure what to do. Here are the options:

Nineteen Eighty Four by George Orwell
Possession by AS Byatt
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Atonement by Ian McEwan

I guess I'm unwilling to commit to something heavy or too literary. Books I probably SHOULD have already read. But these books have been languishing on my TBR pile forever, and I'm sort of stuck indoors whilst Elliot's potty training improves. Maybe we'll try an outing for this afternoon.

Disappointed (Breaking Dawn spoilers)

I finished reading Breaking Dawn. It's not what I expected. I was hoping for so much more. More character development, more fighting, more conflict.. just more FEELING. I think there was a real lack of feeling in this book. I didn't like the ending, I didn't like how all the characters related to each other. And for the first time since reading the series, I didn't like Bella's character. I even didn't like Bella and Edward together. I was hoping for so much more from this final book, and I came away from it disappointed.

The characters for one thing. Jacob and Bella's relationship was just off. I think Stephenie Meyers took the easy option out. I liked the thing going between Leah and Jacob, and would have like it to have been explored more, except it just ended abruptly. In fact, everything regarding the werewolves is left without a conclusion. What about the surge of new werewolves? What about Quil and Embry joining Jacob's pack?

The ending. Is it just me, or was someone else hoping for an unhappy ending in some way? Something other than what happens? EVERYONE happy? Everyone getting everything they wanted? There wasn't even a huge blow-out ending. It just sort of fizzled out. Very anti-climatic. Especially when by the time the last few chapters ended, I didn't want to be rooting for Bella and Edward anymore. All they had was their love for each other, but by that time it seemed to be all empty words because there was nothing to support it. In this book, more than any other, I was sickened by their dependency on each other. At least when she was with Jacob, Bella took an interest in something besides Edward. Even if it was extreme sports. And yes, even that was an attempt to be with Edward in some way.

I kind of wanted them both to die and for Jacob and Nessie to run off to Brazil. I wanted Alice to be hugely selfish and to save herself and Jasper. I wanted to see more sacrifice on Bella's part. I wanted to actually believe Edward and Bella as a couple. I wanted to see Bella lose her control, otherwise why was so much written about the unpredictability of new vampires? I wanted to explore Bella's new relationships with Rosalie and Jasper. I wanted The Volturi to be punished in some way. I wanted there to be less new characters introduced so there was more time for the main group of characters. I wanted to read this book and not think 'hmm, the best thing about Breaking Dawn? Emmett's innuendo.' Was that too much to ask?


Have you read Breaking Dawn? What did you think?

8 Years

8 years ago today, I moved to England. It's been a wild ride! Two children, two houses, two jobs, and a marriage later.. Here I am. It's a great anniversary.

A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway

In 1918 Ernest Hemingway went to war, to the 'war to end all wars'. He volunteered for ambulance service in Italy, was wounded and twice decorated. Out of his experiences came A Farewell to Arms. Hemingway's description of war is unforgettable. He recreates the fear, the comradeship, the courage of his young American volunteer and the men and women he meets in Italy with total conviction. But A Farewell to Arms is not only a novel of war. In it Hemingway has also created a love story of immense drama and uncompromising passion.

I think Hemingway is one of those writers that most people love or hate. I can see why. The only book I've previously read of his was The Old Man and the Sea in high school and I only read it because a boy I liked said he loved it. To be honest, I don't remember much about it and the boy I liked? Yeah, he wasn't impressed that I'd read it.

Hemingway's writing is so bare and to the point that I almost stopped reading A Farewell to Arms before I really began and I did have to put it down halfway through and come back to it a month later. But after that break, I really enjoyed it. I thought the images of war in the book were fascinating and despite the sparcity of the language I did really feel like I was in Italy along with the characters in this book and I liked how Hemingway coupled the scenes of war with his romance of Catherine. I think I will tentatively try some of his other books...

Gilmore Girls

Over the last few months, I've been watching the Gilmore Girls from the beginning on E4. I completely missed it when it was on originally and didn't know anything about it before I started watching it except 'oh my god, it's so good, you have to watch it!' And so I did. It was the last show of season 2 on this morning. (Milo Ventimiglia!)

And I shouldn't like it, really. The dialogue is just too snappy, I don't feel as if it's natural. It feels more like they all learned their lines really well and are a bit over-eager to say them. The acting is a little over the top (Paris all the time and Dean and Luke when they're angry) It's a bit predictable and Rory and Lorelai are just too sappy about each other. I don't like gooey relationships between mother and daughter because I don't feel, personally, that it's realistic.

But the characters are all likeable enough, I find all of the cultural references amusing and even though I have so many complaints about the show, I CAN'T STOP WATCHING IT. I'm not sure if it's the actual show that I like or that I'm clinging to it because it's on everyday and I need something to watch.

Did you watch Gilmore Girls when it was on? What did you think?

It's not your fault.

When I was 11, my mom moved out. Some bad things happened. And buried somewhere (not so deep) inside of me is still a scared little girl who thinks that if she was a better person, if she would have said the right things and did the right things that maybe it would have turned out differently. I never had anyone to tell me that I did nothing wrong, that it wasn't because of me. I'm still waiting for someone to tell me those things, tell it to me so many times that maybe one day it might sink in and I won't feel so guilty and bad and unloveable and not enough.

It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.

Daily Details: Fridge door

Do you think your fridge door says something about you? What do you think mine says about me?

Conversation with N

Last night.

Me: I did something really stupid today.
N: What's that?
Me: You know that book I've been waiting for?
N: No.
Me: Breaking Dawn, you know the new Stephenie Meyer? The one I asked you to pre-order for me?
N: Yes.
Me: You did pre-order it, right?
N: Yes.
Me: Well, it's released in America today, but not in the UK until the 4th, so I still have to wait for Sunday and Monday for it to arrive..
N: Yeah?
Me: Well, I made the mistake of reading a review of it on Amazon.com and now I'm a little disappointed at what I know.
N: Well that's just you all over. You can't wait for anything.
Me: (sigh) I know.

In progress...

Elliot is being potty trained this weekend. (So far he's taken to it really well.) He's becoming such a big boy.

Books read in July

1. The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas by John Boyne (Sad)
2. I, Robot by Isaac Asimov
3. Black Swan Green by David Mitchell (Funniest book I've read in AGES)
4. Extras by Scott Westerfeld (satisfying)
5. The Boy Who Loved Anne Frank by Ellen Feldman (Want to read Anne Frank's Diary again!)
6. Mr Vertigo by Paul Auster
7. Tommy Sullivan Is A Freak by Meg Cabot (I heart Meg Cabot as always)
8. The Book of Illusions by Paul Auster
9. Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri (well-written but short stories are not my thing)
10. Interview With the Vampire by Anne Rice
11. The Silver Sword by Ian Serraillier (too simply written for my liking)
12. Born Confused by Tanuja Desai Hidier (a reread)
13. The Secret Hour by Scott Westerfeld

Last month I felt chained to the 1001 books list. This month, not so much. I never wanted to use the list as the last say in what books I did and didn't read, but I found myself not reading certain books because they weren't on the list and then struggling through other books just because they were. This month I decided to read what I wanted to read, and I'm glad. I feel happier and thus read more books!